FlowerDust.net

So, last night was Chris’ last night leading worship for our student ministry. I was running the media for the service, and sometimes when there isn’t a lot going on, I tend to zone out. But not last night! Scott was teaching on Identity, more specifically, acceptance.

He said something that really got me thinking…Instead of worrying about if people will accept you or not, focus on how you can show that you accept them. I know he said that teenagers usually worry about acceptance all the time. Well, bad news folks…It doesn’t often go away when you’re an adult either, as that is something I constantly worry about. Call it low self esteem…call it insecurity…call it whatever. I don’t always take those thoughts captive when I should, and it’s very selfish - very inwardly focused.

And over the last weekend, honestly, they are thoughts I have battled. Chris and I are going to be meeting a lot of new people this coming weekend. I’ve been thinking constantly about what they are going to think of us…if they will accept us as we are or not (I mean, come on - we are pretty goofy!) But Scott inspired me to take those inward thoughts and only focus on how we can love and encourage all these people we’ll be meeting.

Wow…talk about taking a load off. It’s amazing what a shift in thinking will do…

On a side note, please pray for Chris…he has finally caught the cold everyone seems to have. Hopefully, it will pass before our trip to Texas…

Ok…the mysteries can all be revealed. Here are some of the changes Chris and I are walking through.

Change #1 - Chris’ last weekend leading worship at Thirst or Crave is this weekend, January 29th. This has been public knowledge for a while, as it was decided about a month ago.

Change #2 - My last day working at Westside is this coming Friday, February 3rd. I was planning on taking some time off and renewing and refocusing on what my next steps are. I wasn’t sure really where I was going to start working whenever I decided it was time to begin again. Notice how many times I said the word, “I,” in that paragraph. My plans…all mine.

One of the things I was certain of was I did not want to work in a church again - at least not for a while. Nothing bad at Westside, my spirit just really needed a break from it. Ministry is hard work! That’s for sure.

Change #3 - We really aren’t sure WHAT God is doing, but over the course of this past week, a really great church in the Dallas area, Lake Pointe Church, contacted me about a position they have in their media department. When I received their first email, I kinda laughed. One - it was another church…and Two - it was in DFW (my hometown, where I NEVER wanted to move back!) I emailed him (Wes, their media director) back a brief email, totally trying to convince him I wasn’t the girl for the job - and gave him some of the videos I have done to prove it. Well, on Wednesday, he called (I missed the call but googled the number and saw it was them…) so I emailed him saying I saw he had tried to call…and then he calls me again, later that evening. So, for 104 minutes, Wes and Christina (their service producer) and I talked about the church and by the end of the conversation, I knew Chris and I had to at least visit this church to see if it really was too good to be true.

So…next Friday, also known as my last day at Westside, as soon as I get off work, we drive up to KCI and fly out to Dallas for the weekend. We are really excited to meet Wes, Christina and I’m sure many of their media volunteers and church family.

We are just…a little…stunned.

It’s all so very fast. And totally from left field.

It’s obvious God has been moving and “freeing” us to do something. We get our insurance settlement next week. We pay off most, if not all, of our outstanding debt. So…we are free from jobs. We are free from a lot of unnecessary financial burdens. All in the same bloody week!

It’s a little scary.

We are not sure how God will use us. Or why this is all happening in such a sudden manner. We are just two dorky kids from Kansas.

But change is definitely on the way…

This post isn’t about discovery - well, not overtly. There have been a lot of things happening in the life of Chris & Anne Jackson over the last several weeks. We feel completely swept up in a tornado…lots of grace, forgiveness…and uncertainty all at the same time. I’m not able to provide you with every detail at the moment. But soon…soon. And don’t worry. As dramatic as this all seems - trust me. It’s all very, very good.

Today, I went home around 3pm to take care of some things over lunch (Yes, I eat breakfast at 11:30 and lunch at 3 - it’s just the way my schedule is right now!) and I began to pray over a certain possibility that has presented itself in our lives. Me, being the black and white person I am, prayed, “God, if you want “X” to happen - even if you just want us to take the first step of this, you gotta show me something.” (I was more specfic in my prayer, but again, no details…yet.) “Oh - and God, you’ve got to show me before I get back to my office.”

Well, he didn’t give me my black and white answer on the way back, but he did give me this…A green Land Rover cut me off on Shawnee Mission Parkway. The word on the back of his SUV held me captive the remaining 3 miles I had to drive.

“Discovery”

Yes - I know it’s a model of an SUV. But through that, I really felt like God was just saying - “You know what, Anne? You gotta stop with this clear-cut way you have of making decisions. You totally forget about the journey. You forget about the discovery. And that, my dear daughter, is what you have to learn. So - there’s your answer. DISCOVER.”

It was appeasing enough. For the time. “Fine, God. If that’s your answer, I can deal with that,” I said as I crossed the parking lot to go in the office - still waiting for my burning bush to appear.

Fast forward to about 5:30 or so this evening. Phone call. Almost two hours later, the next step of this discovery has been placed in my path.

I have no choice.

I have to discover.

I don’t know the outcome.

I don’t even know exactly what’s on the journey.

So…with all that vague mumbo-jumbo I’ve just laid out there for your reading pleasure…I ask you this, my friends.

Please pray.

Please pray for Chris and I. We have some decisions to be made. Some really big ones. And I have no idea what God’s doing. But he’s clearly doing something.

Thank you.

I got this in an email from a friend of mine today. Wise words from a someone who’s not old enough to vote. :)

“The church will continue to lose people from the next generation if the don’t incorporate their visions into worshiping the God of all generations. That doesn’t mean just trying something “slightly edgy” every once in a while. It means grasping the way the young culture worships God, and transforming the picture of what “church” looks like. God is going to stay the same through all of it. It doesn’t matter if we’re worshipping in a new and different way so long as God’s getting the Glory.”

A long December…
and there’s reason to believe
maybe this year will be better
than the last.

(It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean…
…I guess I should)

Counting Crows

Earlier this week, I was fortunate enough to sit down with my friend Megan for a few minutes. If you are new here, Megan is a girl I have known/worked with for a couple of years whose husband of just two short months passed away on January 3rd after fighting cancer. And I mean fighting.

Anyway, I was telling her how much I respected and admired her for her choosing to love Brandon despite all of the risk that was involved, not knowing how long she would have him or how hard the journey would be. What she said really got me thinking.

Now, Chris and I have been married for a little over 2.5 years. Our marriage was built on a deep friendship, and although we did have the romantic highs, something I’ve always appreciated about our relationship was the down-to-earth reality we live with, knowing love is a commitment and not a fuzzy feeling (which is highly ironic given we are both extremely idealistic.)

Megan said something to the effect of although she chose to love Brandon, it was God who called her to love him, and she was being obidient to Him by choosing.

I have not thought of my marriage in that respect in quite a while. Chris and I are called by God to love each other. To cherish and respect each other. So many times I view our marriage as a decision we have made (and sometimes one we have to stick to even when we feel like running away!) but being called by God to love each other? Wow.

Not only are we are called by God to love each other, we are also called by Him to love the world. Our friends. Family. Co-workers. Random people. Everybody.

Hollywood & society have put such a sugar coating on what love is, both romantically and platonically. Sometimes there’s so much sugar, it buries the fact that we called to love, because Christ first loved us.

“We, though, are going to love–love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.”

- John, (1 John 4:19)

To read our January Prayer update on our missions trip to
Scotland, click here!

And to sign up to get these in the future, click here!

So, who is going to Origins in May?

(Origins is an amazing conference at Mosaic in LA)

I am not sure if I am going yet. I have asked the powers that be. And hopefully will find out soon.

This weekend, we are sending out prayer/financial support letters for our Missions Trip to Scotland coming up in the fall. If you would like to receive one, please email me by clicking the “Contact” button up top with your address!

We still need a LOT of people praying for this trip, for Scotland, for James & his family as well as around $2200 more in support (we have already collected/received pledges for $600!).

Thanks!

(Update: I just received a random email from my uncle (my mom’s brother). He has been researching their family name (Gillchrest) and it’s actually of Scottish origin. No wonder I feel drawn - I’ve got Scottish blood running through my veins. Also learned that James once dated a girl with the last name Gilchrist, which is a variation of Gillchrest!) How cool!

Throughout the history of the world, God’s used a lot of unlikely people in ways only He could have orchestrated.

Do you think God looks more for people who are passionate about something, or skilled in something? Or both?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and examples…I’ll post mine in a couple of days.

Have a great Sunday!

Gwen said this on Candyce’s blog.

“There’s nothing worse than contrived passion. It’s like an echo in an empty canyon, put forth with great effort and always returns but with a strange hollow sound.”

That’s amazing…what are your thoughts?

In about five minutes, I’m going to be off to attend the celebration of Brandon’s life. As I drove by the church on my way in (I work across the street in a separate building), I saw them wheeling in his motorcycle for part of the memorial display. I remember seeing a picture of Megan and him on it, or how she’d get nervous when he’d ride it when his counts were low. I remember seeing the love she had for him shining through her eyes. Laughing with them over a pizza dinner at Merle’s house only a few months ago. Being at their wedding where they exchanged vows. ‘Til death do us part…I remember Megan saying that, and choking up a little. But a love like theirs, not even death can separate.

Thank you, Brandon. Thank you, Megan. Thank you for inspiring me to love more fully and drink in the gift of life each morning my eyes open to a new day. I am eternally grateful.

I suppose I shall join in the rest of the blogging world and share some things I’d like to work on this year.

1) Be a better wife - I’m the oldest child, type A, and honestly a little bossy. I need to learn to be less selfish and more understanding of Chris’ dreams in our marriage.

2) Pay off debt - Chris and I have been intentionally knocking out huge chunks of debt each month. By the time we go to Scotland, as long as nothing happens, we will be debt free (except for my car payment.) FINALLY!

3) Remember the mission - I think it’s good that some of us make an effort to be more missional in our thinking and actions. But I’ve noticed in myself and have heard from others that sometimes when we think this way, it just becomes something we DO instead of something we ARE. I want there to be a seamless flow of Christ’s love in me to the world.

4) Travel - last year had trips to California…LA, Orange County and San Diego. Chicago a few times, random places in Missouri, Indiana and Kansas. Grand Rapids, MI. Tijiuana (on accident).

This year promises to be more exciting. We’ve decided to go somewhere out of the area once a month. January was St. Louis, February - Omaha (for a Coldplay/Fiona Apple concert for my birthday), March - Texas (DFW), April - the great metropolis of Wilmore, KY to meet up with James before he returns to Scotland, May - LA for Origins…and that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Sometime later in the year, Edinburgh, Scotland.

5) Paint more. Photograph more. Appreciate more.

So…there you have it! What are some of your goals?

Photo: Chris this weekend at Starbucks

So…we went to this thing called “First Night” which by all standards looked like it was going to be really cool, based on the marketing stuff we saw from them. Overall, it was okay, but totally not what the promo stuff made it out to be! From our hotel, we walked down to the MetroLink (subway/train thing). Some of us only had 20’s and the machine only took smaller bills, so we ended up hailing a cab to take us to the place the free shuttles pick people up for the party. Ironically, as we were riding in the cab, Van Morrison’s “Into the Mystic” came on the radio…

By the time we got there, it was about 11pm. We saw a fire-eating guy and eventually found some warm drinks (the event was outside and it was cold!) and headed to the main stage for a DJ and some break dancers, which was pretty cool. The countdown…the fireworks…and then the new year. We took the shuttle back to a MetroLink station, since now we all had appropriate fundage…but they were only letting people on that had prepurchased passes…I sweet talked the guy who was taking passes into letting us on for free (There is something to be said for knowing how to sweet talk when one is stuck in an unfamiliar city at 12:30am with no ride back to their hotel). We made it back, made a late night gas-station snackage run (we almost saw a fight go down!!) and hung out in Chris’ and my room until about 3:30am.

We slept in, checked out and had brunch at probably the best place in St. Louis called Duff’s. Service was slow (they were pretty busy), but the coffee and food were excellent. The company wasn’t too bad either! If you are ever in St. Louis, check out Duff’s in the West End area. Before we parted ways, we scoured the city for an open Starbucks, finally found one, and enjoyed some additional espresso before our departure.

Now we’re home…sleepy, but home. It was quite awesome getting to hang out with everyone and explore an unfamiliar place together!!! Next year, I think Hogmanay is in the works for New Years!