FlowerDust.net

No, I am not pregnant.

But I have been catching up on old friends from high school via MySpace (feel free to add me as your friend if you have one by clicking here.) So many of the people I graduated with or attended with have children. Many have more than one! These are the same people I played basketball with, some I dated or had crushes on, or sat with at lunch.

Chris’ younger cousin Phil, and his wife, Mary, also have a little new munchkin of their own. One of the pastors I report to and his wife are adopting a baby, and it seems like there are quite a few people on staff who are pregnant. I just read an article from an old boyfriend and he was writing about his daughter. Another ex has two kids.

We were having dinner with our friends Charles & Kim Monday night. They’re in the same boat we are as far as our age and how long we’ve been married (they got married the day after we did in the same year) and we started talking about how so many of our friends have moved into this “settle mode” with kids, houses, careers and how it’s becoming harder to understand where they’re coming from.

It’s a little strange, to be honest. Chris and I really have never wanted children. We found out not too long ago it would be hard for us to have kids, even if we wanted to, and if by some random chance I ended up pregnant, it would be pretty high risk. We’ve thought about adopting later on or becoming foster parents in twenty years, but as of now, mini-Jacksons are not in the plans.

Some people think it’s weird we don’t want kids, especially when we come from working with students. It’s not that we don’t like kids…we just wouldn’t make good parents. Trust me on this one; this is not some lame attempt at false-humility. We are both pretty irresponsible, not to mention financially challenged.

And we often forget to feed our cats…if that’s any indicator.

*How old were your parents when they had you?

*How old were you when you had your first child?

*If you don’t have kids - do you want to one day?

Jay Leno…Taylor Hicks’ long lost brother? What do you think?

(By the way, a secret dream of mine is to meet Jay Leno, so Jay, if you’re reading this, hook a sista up.)

I did this a few months ago, but since there are some new people, I thought I’d do it again…I’d love for even those who have been reading for a while to post, just so we can get to know everyone. You never know when you might find someone who shares a common interest!

-Who are you?

-How old are you? (you can give a range…)

-How’d you get here?

-If you have a blog, a link…

-What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Chris & I are driving to Kansas City today so we can see some of the most amazing kids graduate! Please pray for safety.. We drive back Sunday!

Since starting FlowerDust.net back in December 2005, my blog has gone from receiving 130 unique visitors a day to over 1300 4000. I’m not sure who all these visitors are lurking around, but I’m glad you’re here. One of the most frequently “searched for” words that lands people here is Emotional Affair. So, with that knowledge, I thought I’d make this topic a little more visible.

========================

If you’ve watched TV in the last couple of months, you probably would have noticed this is a problem being recognized even outside of our little Christian bubble. On the Today show about a month ago, they had their resident psychologist on talking about emotional affairs. The show created so much buzz, they had her on again…and again.

With the introduction of internet communication as well as overworked career minds and the fallout of under met needs, it’s no wonder so many people are struggling getting a grip on their emotions and their thought lives. No longer is it just the suit sleeping with his secretary…but the stay at home mom hooking up with her newly divorced neighbor. The assistant pastor messing around with the woman whose marriage is falling apart.

As a woman, this is an area in my life I have to constantly guard. I remember the first time I was ever in a relationship and betrayed my partner. It was a guy I was engaged to when I was 19.

In high school, I had developed a friendship with another guy we’ll call Rick. After high school, we really didn’t keep in touch until about two years later, he sends me an email and wants to get together. Wanted to see a movie. He was looking good. He was new. He was exciting. And he fed me earfuls of attention. My emotions for him crescendoed.

I began lying to my fiancee about where I was at and whom I was with…and then I got busted. He called my cell phone while we were at another movie…I thought I hit the “ignore” button, but I hit “talk.” He heard the background noises and called me later…asked where I was. I was with Rick.

Something happened not long after Chris and I got married. There was a guy we both knew and for whatever reason, I began getting tons of attention from him. Now that we were married, the whole conviction thing crept in and I told Chris what my mind and emotions were doing.

It was THE scariest thing I have ever done. But I promise you. It is possible. You can tell your spouse what you’ve been going through.

For the most part, after bringing it to the light, the feelings went away. Now anytime I start feeling or thinking something towards another person - which can still happen - I tell him.

There’s a book out there called Every Woman’s Battle and they even have one for teenagers now called Every Young Woman’s Battle. As much as I hate trendy books, this one has some valuable information in it. Whether you’re single or married - emotions are something that need to be guarded. They have to be guarded.

If you’re young - learn how to now. Learn the warning signs early. Guys can have emotional affairs too, so this doesn’t just apply to us girls.

- Are you thinking about someone constantly. Does he or she pop in your head more than a few times a day?

- Do you dress yourself based on who you are going to see (need to impress?) that day? If you know you might run into a particular person, do you make sure you look good?

- Are you always anxiously awaiting a phone call or email from a certain person that isn’t your spouse?

- Do you find yourself thinking, “I wonder if he (or she) finds me attractive?”

- Do you dwell on thoughts of what it would be like to hug, touch or kiss a certain person?

Those are some of the red flags mentioned in the Every Woman’s Battle book that show you might be leaning on the line of an emotional attraction that isn’t healthy. Especially if you’re married or with someone and you’re having these thoughts - talk to someone right away (but not the person you’re having the thoughts about!)

The Bible talks about sex (including thoughts or actions) outside of marriage like this:

“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.” (1 Corinthians 6:16a - The Message)…

and a few sentences later:

“Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does.” (6:18 - NLT).

Run away-Fast!

Not just from having sex with someone you shouldn’t be having sex with…but from your thoughts and your emotions.

We were created to follow our hearts and the desires we feel, but when they lead us away from God’s plan and into someone else’s arms instead (even if it’s just in our imagination), nothing…nothing good can ever come from that.

Please comment below or email me if this is something you’d like to discuss more. This is serious business…and not something to be blown off as just a crush or infatuation.

First of all, happy Mothers’ Day to all you moms, grandmas, aunts, and other maternally instinctive souls.

Secondly, I am dead-smack in the middle of editing my very dear Scottish friend James’ 90-100 page dissertation for his Ph.D in ministry at Asbury. I say that for two reasons:

1) So you will know how smart he is

2) So I can feel smart for editing a Ph.D’s paper (*note: FEEL smart)

I spent a good 2 hours before church at Starbucks diving in. At times, I would forget I was supposed to be looking for passive tense verbs or misplaced commas and I would get wrapped up in what he was writing about.

At church today, Pastor Steve talked about some of the Sacred Pathways of worship (based on the Gary Thomas book.) The service was structured very differently than normal. A meaningful moment happened about a quarter through the service. Probably close to 800 or so candles were set up around the auditorium and we had a response time for anyone who wanted to go light a candle for a recent commitment they have made. Some of the larger candles were already lit, signifying the light God is to us, and has passed on to us…and we were to light our candles using the flame already burning….

After reading half of James’ dissertation about the spiritual condition of the UK, specifically Scotland, and talking to Chris before the service about how much we feel our hearts breaking for those in Scotland, we went up and lit a candle to physically represent our commitment to pointing the people of Edinburgh to Christ during the 16 or so days we are there. It was a very moving moment for us…also seeing hundreds of people make the walk and light their own candles as a response to their personal commitments.

Well, I need to get back to the remaining 48 or so pages I’ve yet to read and edit….

Question: Out of the following, what environment(s) do you personally express your worship in?

*Nature
*Senses
*Ritual
*Solitude
*Obidience
*Celebration
*Knowledge

I took the idea of one of my previous posts this week and turned it into an article which is published on ChurchMarketingSucks.com.

Read it here (and leave your thoughts if you want!)

Sometimes I spend more time and intention reading blogs than I do my Bible.

1. In which kind of musical environment do you find you corporately worship best?

*Traditional (hymns, piano, organ, choir)

*High Energy Contemporary (upbeat, guitar driven, a little louder, more lights, sound?)

*Just plain ol’ Contemporary (moderately upbeat, calmer production)

*Rock/Edgier (heavy distortion, effects)

*Acoustic (no electric guitars, acoustic guitars/percussion, quieter)

*Fill in the blank…

2. Are there any aspects of corporate worship (your typical weekend/church service) that you find distracting? Inviting?

3. What about your bulletin or worship guide…do you like having information about the church & programs in it, or would you rather it focus soley on the message and/or provide further devotional reading? What have you seen done well…or done poorly?