Weekend Thought…Keep in Touch
August 5th, 2006 @ 7:13 am
I am 26 years old. In my life, I have moved 27 times. The longest I’ve lived somewhere is five years. And it’s hard to develop sincere and meaningful relationships in that short of time.
I moved to Kansas when I was almost 22, and moved back to Texas shortly after my 26th birthday. Even though I was only gone from Dallas a little over four years, the close friends from my past are now but mere acquaintances. I’ve seen my “best” Dallas friend once since moving back and only for a few minutes. I can see the same thing happening to my close Kansas friends. I realize it’s nobody’s fault. It really does just come with moving.
That’s not to say Chris & I are friendless. It has been incredible really getting to know some people here in Dallas. I’d even say it seems like we have more connections with people now than we ever have in any stage of our lives. But at the same time, as I visit old Kansas friends’ blogs or read their emails, it’s a bummer to see how easy it is to become disconnected when you don’t see someone for a while.
Have you ever moved and lost contact with people you thought you’d never lose touch with?
Have a great weekend…
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Weekend Thought...
pete said,
August 5, 2006 at 8:07 am
Wow! That’s a lot of shufflin’ around! I can’t imagine those of you that move so often… I’ve moved a mere 6 times in 34 years.
But that’s not to say that I haven’t lost touch with folks I thought I’d never lose sight of. I wish I were better at keeping a list of addresses and emails and birthdays and anniversaries. The truth is, I seem to rely more on others to keep in touch with me. But then, they themselves get busy and lost track of keeping touch.
Relationships… connection… community…
Requires effort… intentional… purposeful…
It’s always so grand to say “let’s keep in touch”, but we quickly let our “busy” and “important” lives get in the way of maintaining connection until it’s a foregone conlusion that you feel the need to re-connect.
I just had a 15 year high school reunion that I could not make. I haven’t stayed connected with anyone from that time in my life! That makes me sad.
Kristiapplesauce said,
August 5, 2006 at 9:24 am
Actually I kind of feel that way with you. Seriously with all that we talked about and went through…you and I were pretty much and most of the time vulnerable. I know that we still have our in-touch moments…but it still stings. I totally believe in seasons of life and know that God allows things to change and to grow~ for His good…but it always/usually/most of the time hurts.
Dannell said,
August 5, 2006 at 10:17 am
yea crzy.. well actually I lose touch with people here.. DFW is just so big and that just seems to happen in life i guess.. but yes its sad. glad you guys are doing good and making good friends!
maybe i’ll see ya soon!
Love, Dannell
Tim said,
August 5, 2006 at 10:24 am
And this is the story of my life. I long for that friendship that is endless. That friend who knows everything there is to know about you. Who you can call at anytime, who is there to pray with you, hold you accountable and love you. I lived with 5 guys when I was in Iowa for about a year and a half. I grew quite close with a couple of the guys, but once I moved back to California, a daily hello on the tele, turned weekly, turned monthly, and now I haven’t talked to them for a couple of years. Right now I am entering a stage in my life where all my past frienships are gone and I am starting anew. It is scary, but it seems, as cycles go, normal for me. I know in the past it was out of my fear of intimacy. (I know this has nothing to do with your post, since I have not really moved, however it is about losing friends, so cut me some slack). Its weird how I have moved from not letting people close out of a fear of rejection to the extreme opposite where I desire to befriend someone who knows all of me. Maybe one day…
Reese said,
August 5, 2006 at 10:57 am
Why have you moved so much? Just curious.
I’ve only really moved a couple times in my 22 years. A few years ago I moved from north Florida to central Florida (about 6 hours away). While in CF I met 3 of the best and closest friends I have ever had, but a mere 6 months later I had to move back for financial reasons. We lost touch pretty quickly, partially because I couldn’t afford to talk on the phone with them. I miss them so much now, I just saw one of them for the first time in 2 years.
shane said,
August 5, 2006 at 11:24 am
It happens all the time. Some friends are easy to make just because of a time of life that both of you are going through. I have got a lot of friends who fit into this category. They are all really great people and I would love to reconnect with them but we were brought together because of work, school, church, etc and when that element of similarity changes we move on. Doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with either side of the friendship, that’s just the way life is.
There are other friends that will however be there no matter what in the world is going on. My two former roommates were friends with me long before I even became a believer. They were there for me when I was making all sorts of stupid mistakes. One even shaved his head when I went through cancer so that I wouldn’t be the only bald person at work. Now years later we all only see each other once or twice a year max but we pic up right where we left off. All three of us are constantly encouraging each other. The common bond we share is not something that fades or changes with time but it has eternal significance so it will always be there. Both of them know everything about me. The good the bad the ugly and they love me all the same. They are not perfect by any means (rolls eyes)
Jules said,
August 5, 2006 at 11:33 am
I’ve been married 14 years and have moved 7 times. I too, have made some great friends. Because life seems so busy, everyone gets entrenched in it and we have a hard time reaching beyond the normal daily life. This is especially true if you have children. If my kids had a good friend in a relationship with one of my friends’ kids, then I am more likely to keep in touch longer. Sadly, I had a great friend in Santa Cruz whom I have lost connections with. I thought I would hear from her forever.
Rich Kirkpatrick said,
August 5, 2006 at 12:13 pm
Let’s see…in the (throat cleared) 17 years of marriage and ministry, I have moved 11 times, only being in one place for 5 years, and living in four metro areas in two states (California and Texas). Most of those moves have been before I had kids. (My job has not changed as equally, and I have been doing this worship thing I do for the entire time).
All I can say is that I relate to what you are saying. One benefit is that I have met and been a part of more wonderful lives, but just in transition and not long term. There are still people, though, that I keep contact with from 20 years ago. Some things change, other things remain the same.
Kristiapplesauce said,
August 5, 2006 at 12:19 pm
Okay that sounded harsh…I didn’t mean it that way. It is all good. Seasons. That is the point I was getting at. That, and that if you really want something…it is attainable. Relationships are really the same way, wherever you may live. You just have to work harder at it.
John Smulo said,
August 5, 2006 at 1:04 pm
I’ve moved more times than I can count, and lived in lots of different places, southern and northern California, Honolulu, a handful of places in Australia.
I really miss people from everywhere I’ve been and always wish I could take all of my closest friends and put them right where I am.
I’m the one that normally does the moving though, so I try my best to be the one that goes out of my way to keep in touch.
Anne Jackson said,
August 5, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Yeah, I suck at keeping in touch with people. And it’s hard for me to invest or be invested in (although I’m working on it REALLY hard here!!!) because it seems like every couple of years the lake of my life turns over (much like the stinky Lake Ray Hubbard is doing now) and people cycle in and out.
I was driving out to one of our satellite campuses in Sulphur Springs (about an hour and a half from our place) this morning and thinking about this. When we moved from Kansas, we had a going away party and I was really surprised how many people showed up that we hadn’t seen in a while - that were involved in our lives early on before we were married. It was really cool. And pretty emotional. But now that emotion has died down.
I got to thinking what if we ever moved from Texas? I don’t plan on it any time soon since we just got here a mere 4 months ago but in those 4 months I think we have developed some really close friendships with a few people we work with and have met through other channels. Naturally I started thinking if we did move for some reason, like, next week, it would really suck because these people have come to mean a lot to us. And in a way it makes me want to NOT get close to people because of the foresight of knowing how much it would suck to have to say goodbye. Anyway, I know I’m just rambling about situations that don’t even exsist (I had a lot of coffee earlier)…so I guess I’m just saying the ebb and flow of relationships in the course of our lives is always changing.
I like what Shane said about relationships having eternal significance even if it seems like they may have weakened here on earth. :)
And Reese - my growing up was that of a preacher’s kid, so it was a new place every 1-3 years. After that, I moved a lot due to work and as Dannell said, DFW is HUGE so I lived on all sides of it at some point. Then a few places in Kansas…now back to Tx.
Debra said,
August 5, 2006 at 8:15 pm
Hey Anne! Hope you are doing well. As a fellow preacher’s kid, I relate somewhat to the frequent moving (mine wasn’t near as much as yours….that’s CRAZY). My mother remembers telling my father after one particularly hard move (over 30 years ago), “I will never allow myself to get that close to friends again…it’s too hard to lose them.” But, of course, she did make more wonderful friends and eventually learned how to deal with the heartache of leaving. Here are the things my parents have taught me/I have learned through the years:
1) The realities of daily life make it impossible to keep up with all your old friends.
2) In Christian friendships, if both parties keep seeking God with a hungry heart, even though years may pass between meetings, you’ll find the “easy passes into one another’s hearts.” Why? Because if we both draw closer to Him we draw closer to one another at the same time.
3) Once, or maybe twice, in a lifetime you’ll come across a friend you absolutely MUST have in your life on a regular basis, no matter the distance. Make every effort to keep that friend close (keep them as your long distance prayer buddy, semi-objective observer on your life, etc.).
Cheers!
Kristiapplesauce said,
August 5, 2006 at 8:59 pm
I don’t know what that means…for reals. what?
Lira said,
August 5, 2006 at 10:25 pm
I know how you feel. But it wasn’t due to moving, cause I’ve lived in the same area pretty much all my life and can’t seem to get out of this town.
It was when people left my church. There is only one out of several close friends that I stay in touch with. It’s sad, it hurts. What I have to remember is that these relationships were obviously for a season. I would give them the shirt off my back if they ever called and asked for it. They have impacted my life in ways that others haven’t. So even if I knew that certain realationships wouldn’t last very long, I would still invest, it’s worth it, every second.
Magnanimity said,
August 5, 2006 at 11:04 pm
“Friendship come for a reason, a season, or a lifetime…embrace all equally”
Fav. quote I’ve had to hold on to. If I’m not moving, others are…constant change, loss, rebuilding, not wanting to, God pushing, me fighting, more losses. More blessings. Just the flux can wear your heart out if you don’t keep good perspective.
I don’t work at staying in touch too hard, but when paths cross, God seems to be in it.
tracy said,
August 6, 2006 at 12:38 am
dude, just hold on. i’m moving in 10 days. so, in like 3 weeks can we hang out for a day? please!
tracy said,
August 6, 2006 at 12:39 am
wow, if you’re on the outside, my comment makes no sense. i just worked like 13 hours straight. i’m tired.
Crystal Renaud said,
August 6, 2006 at 1:37 am
i am bad at long distance friendships, kristi can vouch for that, but i try…. the best i am able. if it weren’t for email and blogging… i probably would not talk to you very much… but then again - a lot of our kansas friendship revolved around blogging and email anyway… haha… did you forget i went to dallas JUST to see you guys?
umm…. by the way… Anne you did not corrupt me. i was corrupted WAY before our rendezvous to Pricilla’s.
bryonm said,
August 6, 2006 at 6:48 am
I’ve moved over 30 times in my life. I lost count. I’m almost 41. Grew up a military brat, joined the military, became a Christian, and went into ministry/mission field while holding down several different kinds of jobs. I’ve lost touch with more people than I want to admit, but have stayed in close touch with friends I’d never would have met without such a “gypsy’s” life. This is a great journey :)
sharibrown said,
August 6, 2006 at 6:52 am
We live in Manhattan Ks, which is a very transient town due to the University and Ft. Riley. I have to admit I used to really mourn when people would move and I woud loose connection with good friends. Then I noticed something really cool. God would usually rotate someone else in that needed something, usually friendship, someone to listen to them maybe. And I still had my other friends so the list just kind of keeps multiplying. My husband laughs that he can’t take me anywhere without running into someone we know. Just reconnected with three people at the farmer’s market yesterday and made a new friends who invited me to come back next Saturday and play mandolin with them. It has not always been easy, but well worth the investment. Guess what I am saying is that it does take effort to maintain long distance relationships, but maybe we should relax a little about that and try to serve those around us. I am not saying we should cut off the old relationships, today’s technology has made it too simple to not keep in touch, but probably most of our energy should be poured into where we are currently planted. Just a thought, shari
Gwen said,
August 6, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Kristiapplesauce and I agree. Seasons. While I love all the seasons and hate to see them go, there will be another cherished behind it and in the end…there is a HUGE reunion celebration like FOREVER!
Mama G said,
August 6, 2006 at 1:50 pm
It can be a painful journey, moving. You are the type of person that keeps in contact. What you have built in past relationships will still be there…for the geniune friends. When we left CA,we have found that people get ticked off for you leaving and they lose contact out of missing you. I know its strange. But if you are followers of Christ, we are stuck with each other for eternity. Love to see your face this fall!
dan ohlerking said,
August 6, 2006 at 4:39 pm
i’m kinda like bryonm - i’m 42, moved 37 times - many due to growing up a missionary kid, but lots due to just having a lot of nomad in me for a long time. been married 18 years coming up this month - 17 moves have been in those 18 years.
i think as far as the friendships side, i’ve found that it makes me just depend all the more on the family around me and especially my wife - she’s that “one person” who knows everything and still loves me, etc. but the upside of moving really honestly for me is that it seems like everywhere i go there are people who i know. either that or we know someone the other one knows. and everywhere i go i can feel at home.
that being said, i’m loving that i’m going on 11 years in the same church now. that’s a huge factor to survival i think. i can’t imagine moving again without the consideration of what church i’d be going to after the move.
great question to toss out there.
Beth Harris said,
August 6, 2006 at 8:46 pm
Hi Anne,
I think you and I are quite alike, yet you are so much more brave in communicating your thoughts. I moved a great deal growing, though I don’t think I compare to your moves. I lived in Florida, South Carolina, and Alaska, all before I was school age. My early years of friendships were broken up by sudden moves from Texas to Oklahoma, back to Texas, and then to Colorado.
I just kept building walls. It hurt way too hard to say goodbye all the time. Conquering that tendency to build walls is the challenge. If you can learn it, that would save you many, many years of loneliness. Then again, I think you have already got that figured out.
Sorry I haven’t popped in to see you!
Tommy Watson said,
August 7, 2006 at 6:46 am
yes, most of my close seminary buddies. It’s not intentional just a hazard of life. Not many people will go out of the way to foster a long distance relationship, not sure why.
Kevin Leggett said,
August 7, 2006 at 11:28 am
Small world. Your post summed up a lot of what I have been feeling. I am also 26. I moved constantly and most of what I thought were good friends ended up being acquantinances after college.
WES said,
August 7, 2006 at 8:37 pm
I think that God allows us to develop friendships to provide for us at a specific point of need in our life, or to provide for someone eles’s need.
As He moves us, we have to trust that the new friendships again serve the needs of others and our greater good–but above all His glory.
I think true deep friendship requires nearness in time and space. This is how a true friend sees through the masks and pleasantries and sees the real you that lives behind the eyes.
mairi said,
August 8, 2006 at 3:38 am
yeah..when i moved from england i lost touch with every one in my school. I am now 13 and i have moved 4 times. Im so glad that i am still in touch with my friends in the usa!
Rachel said,
August 8, 2006 at 1:55 pm
Hi Anne, I’ve only ever lived in England. Grew up in the same village from birth to 18, then came to Sheffield for university and have been here ever since. I don’t think I’m very good at change and maybe that’s cos I’ve never had that many major location changes to deal with. I find it hard that I’m not as close to school friends or people from our previous church and have often tried hard to hold onto people wearing myself out in the process! Lots of people have said that people come and go for a reason. I think they’re right. I’ve held onto contact with my 2 friends who I grew up with.
One of my friends said that we should always keep in touch from at least one person from each stage of our lives so that we have someone to share memories with. I think I try to do that…