in a couple hours, we leave for kansas city. chris’ family lives on the MO side, but we’ll be going in between both KS and MO most of the weekend. i hope you have a happy thanksgiving!  we’ll be back late sunday night.

Hi, I’m Anne. And I’m officially on an anti-depressant. I work at a great church, I am married to the most incredibly patient and loving man, I have some great friends, and I suffer from mild bouts of depression. There. It’s said.

I popped my pill right before eating breakfast this morning. One down, 41 to go. I marked the days on my calendar (perhaps being a wee overdramatic?) and realized that my last day of meds is January 1. Appropriately so. A new year, and hopefully new chemical levels that my body will enjoy.

Thanks for your encouraging words and emails and prayers. I’ve gotten a few emails from people who have been thinking about getting some kind of anti-depressant, so occasionally (maybe weekly), I will post the good, bad and ugly of how Wellbutrin XL is effecting me.

The biggest way depression has effected me in the last couple of years is I have lost my motivation. I used to be extremely movtivated, would love to hang out with friends late into the night, was spontaneous, and lived for the freedoms the weekend brought. Now when my mind isn’t kept busy, I tend to enjoy just being alone - all the time - and feel really sad. And worthless. Sometimes I’d think Chris would be better off not being married to me. Pretty much a selfish pity party I wouldn’t mind wallowing in, but could control when I needed to.

Looking forward to seeing how this will change…

he knows my addiction to christmasy warm fuzzies. i am out of my office for a few moments this morning and return to the following items:

1. A Santa Baby Christmas CD from Starbucks
2. A grande non-fat, decaf Peppermint Mocha with whip and sprinkles

And that is why my husband rocks. Well, one of the many, many reasons!

if jesus tried to get a job in the american church today, he’d have a heckuva time unless he graduated magna cum laude from some institute of higher education and paid his dues to the local seminary. and some of the disciples? completely uneducated and unpolished. good luck there.

chris and i had coffee at texas roast on wednesday evening with a new friend we’ve met. he’s going to be planting a church down in austin in the next few years. anyway, we were talking about church health and two factors to a healthy church: obedience/listening to the direction of the spirit and cultural relevance (not exclusive from each other). but with all of our combined church experience it was really easy to see the churches who are having the most health issues (leadership/staff issues, money problems, not fulfilling the great commission) were the churches who had flip-flopped those priorities…trying to be cutting edge and relevant FIRST while, although a close second, submission to our biblical callings was placed after that.

maybe it is a process all churches must learn and grow through. maybe not. i would love to sit and talk for hours with pastors of churches all over on why they spend more money on paint than missions or why their job descriptions sound more like managers of a GAP while they leave out things like passion, calling, holiness, accountability and replace them with networking, stamina to work long hours, and degrees. then they wonder why budgets fall short, ministries grow numerically but not spiritually, and burn out is at an all time high. when church staff turnover is the same rate as retail turnover, something must be amiss.

Today was a very Christmasy day.  I played with my twinkly Christmas lights widget.  I bought Bing Crosby’s White Christmas CD on iTunes.  I had a Peppermint Mocha Frappucino (it was rather warm out after walking to Starbucks).  I got a Christmas bonus from work in the mail and an invite to a Christmas party.  Just to let you know, you’re going to get really sick of hearing about Christmas because between now and then, it’s pretty much all I’m gonna write about. :)

I need your grace to remind me to find my own. (SP)