green
December 2nd, 2006 @ 2:46 pm
when i feel any emotion intensely, my eyes turn an unbelievable shade of bright green - almost a green-blue color. which is weird. because for the most part, on any given day, they are a boring brown-green hazel color. the day i started high school they actually were blue. i was that nervous.
they’ve been really green the last couple of days. i just looked in the mirror and noticed how green they were. the last couple of days have been hard on me emotionally. maybe the increase in the wellbutrin was too much, but i crashed hard yesterday, and even harder today. i feel like i am having an out of body experience. the real me is floating around somewhere, probably sipping a peppermint mocha and instead, some crazy lady who cries any time a word leaves her mouth, who gets angry at the first sign of tension and who is scared to even be alone has embodied this shell with bright green eyes.
i know the crazy me isn’t really me. and tomorrow, i’m dropping my dosage back to 150. it seemed to be working fine, whereas the 300 is creating a monster. what i hate most about this is the feeling i am letting people down. chris didn’t marry a crazy lady. lake pointe didn’t hire a crazy lady. a crazy lady doesn’t work with my co-workers. but here is crazy lady and her inability to control even the slightest emotion.
i know i really need to get a grip. i wish i could figure out how much of this is me that i am not letting god control and how much is actually the medicine jacking with my chemicals. regardless, i could really use your prayers right now.
Anxiety/Depression · Authenticity
Crystal Renaud said,
December 2, 2006 at 3:57 pm
300 is a lot of any medication. probably a good call to drop the dosage. you aren’t crazy. i love you!!!!
Andrew Shepherd said,
December 2, 2006 at 5:07 pm
thank you for allowing us to share this with you.
i’ll be praying.
Tim said,
December 2, 2006 at 5:08 pm
I am praying for you. Please, if you haven’t already, talk to your doctor before dropping your dosage. Their can be very strong side-effects when lowering your dosage immediately.
ryan said,
December 2, 2006 at 5:11 pm
I hate when people throw a verse at me instead of actually listening to me and I don’t mean to do that. But, whenever I feel out of control I pray Is.26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” I pray that God would grant you peace…If it makes you feel any better, I love your blog:-)
James Petticrew said,
December 2, 2006 at 6:16 pm
Anne your God loves you, your husband loves you, your friends love you, your church loves you, rest in that love.
Dustin said,
December 3, 2006 at 8:55 am
anne.
as you know, the body is freakishly complex. Every atom, and cell has a purpose. Actually some argue the uvula doesn’t but I digress. You are changing the mix up a bit, sort of like a DJ at a rave, and when you get the right balance you will know. If all of us doofy bloggers have your back than I am convinced your family has it 100 times more! I will continue to pray for your health.
Be blessed my sister.
db
Tim said,
December 4, 2006 at 5:27 pm
hip hip hooray, flowerdust is back!
Crystal Renaud said,
December 4, 2006 at 6:00 pm
it doesn’t look any different. ????
Tony said,
December 5, 2006 at 8:13 am
No fun, Anne… I’ll echo everyone else… talk with your doc about the dose. We had to adjust my wife’s dose a couple times.
Zach said,
December 5, 2006 at 10:36 am
Anne,
Its alright, if it helps I had a few repeat conversations with Rich because of his “House MD” pills he was popping after his surgery. And also your Blog seems to be a healthy outlet to reveal your sanity. You are amazing Anne, and I appreciate what you have contributed through this blog!
Zach
West Wheeler said,
December 5, 2006 at 11:08 am
It sucks to be crazy and it sucks worse when you know it and cannot do anything about it. Been there….sorry it’s happening to you….praying for you to not even need that crap.
Los said,
December 5, 2006 at 1:49 pm
God. Give Anne peace.
Los
Crystal Renaud said,
December 6, 2006 at 12:04 am
how are you doing now?
Gwen said,
December 7, 2006 at 7:10 am
*smooches*
Nicole said,
December 7, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Anne~
I’ve totally been where you are….I’ve also taken Wellbutrin, for both the depression and the health benefit to my Fibromyalgia. I upped it to the 300 once and ended up dropping it back down to the 150, it had much less side effects. I hope it helps you. Anyways, just wanted you to know that I’ve been there. God got me through and He will you too. I’ll pray for you.
Big Hug~
Nicole Green