FlowerDust.net

Ok, so Los has pimped me. Now I will return the favor, as well as get on board with his “Fat Ragamuffin” club. Los has lost like 30 pounds, probably more…doing Weight Watchers but most importantly, he has gotten healthy. Seeing his before and after pictures and videos, you can see that even a lazy worship leader can lose weight. (I am kidding on the lazy part, the guy is a crazy mad-man).

So I too, join hands with the Fat Ragamuffins. Although I wouldn’t consider myself obese, I am going to publicly display my lowest, wedding day, highest, current, and goal weights here - and what I am doing to get there. As a female - this is scary! But I want to be healthy and FEEL healthy too. I DARE YOU to do the same. Yup, that’s a dare.

• Lowest = 128 in 2002. This was NOT healthy for me. I am almost 5′6″, and athletic (well, was). I was really bony and this was during a stressful time in my life. I was not eating properly at all.
• Wedding Day = 140 in 2003. This was and is my ideal weight. I felt great, looked great. Then we were married and made brownies every week…that led to…
• Highest = 167 in 2006. This was right before Scotland in September. YIKES. I was not feeling good, my gallbladder was acting up, and I certainly was not eating healthy.
• Current = 154
• Healthy & Goal = 140-145. Weight fluctuates you know.

I lost some of the weight after having my gallbladder surgery - not eating very much for a couple of weeks helps. But once my appetite came back, and then the holidays, I gained 8 pounds BACK (thank you stupid snowman cookies), putting me around 162 for New Years.

So, I started this “water diet” - which isn’t much of a diet at all. You drink a full glass of water before, during, and after each meal and supposedly the weight comes off. I have changed my eating habits and have started exercising too, so in the last few weeks I am 8 pounds lighter and back down to 154. I figure a couple pounds a week and in a few months I’ll be back down at 140-145ish. I haven’t seen a number in the 140’s in over a year!

I’ll post updates every Tuesday.
Do you wanna join in?

so, when you pray for your spirit to be broken, and expect it to happen. it does. it is the whole “sorrow without despair” thing i mentioned last week. my heart has been put through the wringer lately in many aspects:

• my gifts [how and where and when am i using them? do i even know what they are or am i wishing?]
• my creativity [i am feeling extremely lacking in this area]
• my work [lots of projects, no time, desiring to get ahead of myself]
• my freelance [i want to do some volunteer work, but i have so many bills to pay...]
• my estrogen [why do girls feel they must compete? not just in the looks area, but in all areas of life? and maybe it is not girls in general, but just me? why must i compete? it's stupid. i feel like a dog that wants to piss everywhere to claim my territory and get all offended when someone crosses over]
• our finances [we are paying our bills, all on time, but are left with practically nothing at the end of it all. our needs are met, but it gets scary, and there never seems to be an end in sight]

So all of these areas that have been pressing on my heart lately. Squeezing out every last bit of integrity I can muster just to ask myself:

“do you mean what you say…when you say you’re committed? can you be patient? humble? can you trust? really?”

I have been reading 1st Timothy lately. Probably four times in the last week, hoping to pull some encouragement and insight from Paul’s letter. Absorbing it. And trying to remember it.

On another note, I had a nice surprise on my door frame after our staff meeting. It was one of those little Dove chocolate wrappers and someone had taped it up for when I returned. It said:

Make a list of your dreams

I’m sure this person meant this as an encouragement, and it was - as much as it is funny, as I am the queen of list makers (color-coded, mind you). But what stood out more than the quotation was the trademark:

Promises Message

It was just another reminder that I am promised a future, that He will take care of me, all my anxieties listed above, and whatever dreams I may or may not list. I am promised a unique gifting. I am promised so much - even when I can’t make sense of any of it. Even when it hurts as I am trying to figure it out.

What are you promised?

Ever had an imaginary friend? Ever wanted one? Go read my new article on Relevant…
You can do so by clicking the image below:

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Happy Monday!

you are so fragile these days, my dear.
like a sickly woman, frail
your skin
paper-thin
bleeds easier than it should

when you are slighted, you grasp zealously to my heart
and weave your spindly fingers through and through.

i have learned today:

slow down, and be sensitive

in more detail… you never know what someone may be going through at any time, no matter how well you know them, or how often you see them. i bumped into a friend this morning and razzed him about his indecision on attending my birthday party next month. then he shared a very serious prayer request with me. and although this person knows me well enough to know i intended no harm in my incessant probing, if i would have taken the time to say, “hey, what’s up. how are you anyway?” i bet you a little more of the Spirit would have shown, and a little less of me.

so…i am going to continue to work on being less cynical. less sarcastic. and a little more sensitive.

all a girl needs

to get through the day

is little cup of peace

i like to call

chocolate pudding.

I can never think of a time when i have prayed for sorrow. Invited true brokenness into my life. Usually, it comes as an unwelcomed guest. However, during my devotional time last week, I was thinking about the life of Joseph. I read this:

God never uses anybody to a large degree, until after He breaks that one all to pieces. Joseph had more sorrow than all the other sons of Jacob, and it led him out into a ministry of bread for all nations. For this reason, the Holy Spirit said of him, “Joseph is a fruitful bough…by a well, whose branches run over the wall” (Gen. 49:22). It takes sorrow to widen the soul.

My prayer that night was one I would never have expected to pray. I’ve prayed to be broken before, but never to the point of sorrow. Praying for sorrow?

When most people think of sorrow, they think of grief. Dispair. Negativity. Sadness. But the sorrow we should pray for is sorrow without despair.

If we had never fallen, or were in a glorified state, then the strong torrents of Divine joy would be the normal force to open up all our souls’ capacities; but in a fallen world, sorrow, with despair taken out of it, is the chosen power to reveal ourselves to ourselves. Hence it is sorrow that makes us think deeply, long, and soberly.

Ecclesiastes 7:3 says:

Sorrow is better than laughter,
for sadness has a refining influence on us.

But what about joy? I think the more refined we are through sorrow, the greater the joy we are able to experience.

What do you think?

I have learnt to love you late, Beauty at once so ancient and so new!
Saint Augustine

so here i am, taking care of some freelance in my office, space heater 6″ away from my leg…sipping on some “rooibos sunshine” loose leaf tea. my coworker dalton and i have become addicted to rooibos, and there just happens to be a loose leaf tea shop a few miles from the church which has probably a hundred kinds of loose leaf tea. so we have our little tea station in our communications workroom. i’ll admit, we’ve become tea snobs.

earlier today, as i was getting ready - applying eyeliner or something - one of those thoughts [that you know aren't your own] pops in my head and says, “Why even bother? You know you can’t compete.”

I knew exactly what this statement meant and where it came from. I seem to have my brain locked into this “22 years old is the perfect age” mindset. It probably was one of the best years of my life. And now as I creep ever-so-more up on 30, I realize that superfically, aging is something I’m not looking forward to.

You would never hear me say it aloud, but I am horribly competitive. A few years back, after a fierce game of Uno with the band Chris was in, we all went to eat. We talked about the game and I said something about how “I’m glad I’m not one of those competitive crazy people.” The singer, Steve, normally laid back and not too expressive, smacks his hand down on the table and says, “SWEET JESUS ANNE, YES YOU ARE!”

After Steve’s statement, the fact I had broken many a Super Nintendo controller in my youth, as well as chalking up several technical fouls during my high school basketball career, I realize - yes, I am extremely competitve.

This competitive nature also comes in the form of my appearance. The voice that snuck in unexpectedly today was pushing that competitive button - making me feel there’s no way I can physically compete with the beautiful, early-20 year olds that seem to overflow out of the Rockwall city limits.

Fortunately, a Voice much louder and more important reminded me, “Why do you need to compete, anyway?”

Eh. Good point.

Now if only I can convince myself to believe it…

to have breakfast with the jacksons.

although after seeing the below photo…

i don’t think you’d want to.

last night, i made texas toast in our toaster oven…at 425 degrees. a piece of toast fell under the tray during my attempt to get it out after they were done.

[i am not the most coordinated person in the world]

so we unplugged the oven and were able to successfully remove it via knives and forks and other kitchenly weapons.

however, this morning [pre-coffee] chris plugs the toaster oven back in and off it goes to make his pop tarts. a few minutes later, after noticing our apartment was slowly filling up with smoke, he goes to retrieve said pop tarts and well, the photo tells the rest of the story. pop tarts are not best baked at 425 degrees.

[any takers?]

i felt incredibly

warm

in so many ways last night

knowing i don’t deserve the

heater running

my huge slippers

favorite pajamas

the more than adequate comforter wrapping around me

the more than wonderful person to my right

or the quietness that whispered me

and lulled me

into

sleep.

i’ll respond
when things are clearer
how i long
to feel Him nearer
tonight, i was supposed
to be with you
instead, alone,
i had to be
my brain escaping
from reality
and pushing, striving
to be uniting
with Him
in Him only
can i perceive
and gain back
my sanity
for the madness of
this world
washes in
caves in
envelops me

(anne2000)

part one [disconnect]

we have almost been here a year.

i have met so many wonderful people.
who have shared in

1) movies
2) hundreds of trips to cafes
3) gallbladder removals
4) birthday/superbowl/new years/christmas/art showing/parties
4) and now, rooibos

(don’t worry mom, it’s not a drug)

yet in this odd state of sleepiness i am in,
combined with a weekend of prayer,
cold weather,
readings from a prophet

in the deepest parts
although i am connected in so many ways
there is the disconnect

i see others
and their connections
and feel left out
(not in the third wheel way)(don’t pity me)

part two [demolition]

nobody to blame
but this stupid wall
that i can’t seem to tear down…

these bricks of fear
aren’t held together
by a justifiable mortar…

but perfectionism,
[am i pretty enough?]
[skinny enough?]
[funny enough?]
[normal enough?]

the things that don’t matter
and yet…
they are the hardest…
to demolish.

today is an ice day.
although where i am, there isn’t any ice.
so i am sifting through my credit report
calling people in india,
promising i am not the person
who opened a phone account
and ran up $800.
and sending them my notarized
ftc report to prove it.

identity theft is not fun.
i have disputed 23 items on my credit report in the last month.
if you haven’t looked at your credit report lately - please do.

speaking of theft
i thank whoever dlink is
for their open wifi spot
of which i am partaking.

as i have no internet at home
except the blackberry.

my birthday is a little over a month away. and after going to christina’s fabuloso fiesta on thursday, i am inspired to have a shindig as well. what should i do?

As some of you know, I have an important job of seeing movies before they’re released, and the honor of critiquing them. It’s tough, but someone’s got to do it. Anyway, the group I write for, The Mungles on Movies, is giving away The Guardian on DVD - each reviewer has a copy to give away. Absolutely free, no catches. So one lucky person who enters from FlowerDust.net will for sure win one!

*Note - please read the first paragraph carefully. I have *A* copy to giveaway. Just because you enter does not mean you’ll win. To clarify… :)

Cisco is suing Apple and seeking an injunction to prevent Apple from using Cisco’s “iPhone” US trademark. As of yesterday, Cisco representatives said that a deal was close for licensing the trademark to Apple, however it appears as though Apple’s announcement before a deal was reached may have forced Cisco into the courts.

“Cisco entered into negotiations with Apple in good faith after Apple repeatedly asked permission to use Cisco’s iPhone name,” said Mark Chandler, senior vice president and general counsel, Cisco. “There is no doubt that Apple’s new phone is very exciting, but they should not be using our trademark without our permission.

“Today’s iPhone is not tomorrow’s iPhone. The potential for convergence of the home phone, cell phone, work phone and PC is limitless, which is why it is so important for us to protect our brand,” Chandler concluded.

With its lawsuit, filed in the United States District Court for the Northern District of California, Cisco is seeking an injunction to prevent Apple from copying Cisco’s iPhone trademark.

Note: While Cisco has the US trademark for “iPhone,” Apple does have the trademark for “iPhone” in some other countries.

(link MacRumors; thanks Jared)

ALSO…a new feature added to the iPhone. Meet the iPhone Quattro - Now you can shave while you talk! (thanks to my husband for the link)

Does everyone HAVE to blog about the iPhone? It has been announced for the last 24 hours and I am already sick of it. It’s like a new Nickelback song. You get in your car, Nickelback’s on. You go to the grocery store, it’s on again. You pick up your dry cleaning, good ol’ Chad’s singing. You go to TGIFriday’s, “Been farrrr away furrr farrr too lonnng”. You simply cannot escape it. And at the end of the day you want to stab your eyes out.

So is the same with the new iPhone and bloggers! I know half the people in my Google Reader blogged about it (and I love each and every one of you) but it’s just getting silly! :)

Every party has a pooper and yes, I am pooping on this party. Apple is innovative… We’ve all known that for a while. They are the kings of buzz and I give them props. But it is obvious they have 98% of the blogging community under mind control.

i am more affected by this blog than i care to let on. the more comments i get, the more inspired i am to write. the more daily visitors i have, the more i feel like i am making a difference. and all that is bull crap. i am relying far too much on this thing to make me feel successful in my ministry or in relationships. and that’s nothing but a lie.

There are some lyrics by JET that kinda describe this for me.

You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
Til all you had spilled over

Now everything’s so far away
That you don’t know
Where you are
You are

When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

When it’s hard to be ourselves
It’s not to be someone else
Still everything’s so far away
That you forget who you are
You are

When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to

(By the way, I’m not sad or depressed or moody or funky. I feel fine. Just learning some things.)

it is 58 degrees in my office. you see, our communications team moved up to the third floor (affectionately named the penthouse suite) yet since this place has been mostly unihabited for several years, the air control circuit is on a shared unit with some kind of server room that must remain at 65 degrees or below. they are in the process of splitting the two so we can have one with heat.

three of us girls plugged in our space heaters and last week had no problems. today, however a circuit blew by 9:30 this morning and all of our office plugs went dead. turns out all six of us share one circuit, and 1500 watt space heaters are the archnemesis of said circuit.

computers, gone. half-written emails, gone. any sort of productive behaviours, gone. we were left helpless.

during the eight minutes of downtime, i thought how similar this little situation is to my life. i feel cold…empty…frigid. i don’t have the Warmth inside of me that i should. so i plug in one 1500 watt space heater (perfectionism), after another (materialism), after another (unhealthy eating habits), after another (trading mindless activity for time with my Father)…until my circuit blows and I end up completely helpless and unproductive.

although at the moment, the only thing keeping me physically warm is a fleece blanket i have wrapped around me, i am going to try and be more aware of the space heaters i plug into my life when i should be basking in the heat of a much more natural Source.

I haven’t been in a blogging mood lately. Sorry. Let’s see…not a lot has happened. Back to work. Got a new office (our entire Communications Team pretty much has the third floor to ourselves which also means a lot of exercise - 42 stairs up!), working a couple freelance gigs. Not too much exciting. No deep thoughts or revelations.

How are you?

I have heard the blogging community compared to a real community of believers. And how although it’s just virtual, we can live out like the Early churched lived - sharing, caring, giving, praying for others. I have personally experienced this in many ways - from sending Christmas cards, receiving Christmas cards, a complete stranger letting me borrow his PowerBook for three months, prayer for my surgery, for others, and when we needed several hundred dollars last minute for our mission trip to Scotland. I don’t remember exactly how much PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER MET invested in my trip, but it was several hundred dollars and the way God worked in and through people was an extreme miracle and God’s glory was clearly shown.

I know write on behalf of one of my closest friends. I met her when she was a wee high school senior, then she joined the staff where I worked at the church in Kansas. We took trips to Texas and chased cowboys, took photos with street vendors selling roses, and she shared with me one of my most embarrassing moments (which I will not - and she will not - mention). She eventually became part of the Communications Team and I had the honor of watching her grow professionally as an artist and spiritually as a person. She is one of the most generous people I know (and I know this because I do her taxes every year - It’s sick. I love doing taxes. So sue me.)

Now my dear sister Crystal Renaud (AKA Pink Haired Girl) is taking a huge leap of faith and has signed up to go to South Africa on mission in a few short months. She is in the same position I was in several months ago - a last minute time crunch to come up with serious cash. Last I checked, she needed around $1000 and she needs it by January 15th.

I URGE you - think about the way you value these blogging communities we have formed. Let your actions speak louder than your words. Be unreasonably generous. You probably don’t know Crystal. You probably don’t know me. But I know Crystal and I know God has called her to go on this trip.

If you would like to act on this, visit her website dedicated to her Africa trip here. You will see what she’ll be doing and the organization she will be working with. I personally have met the founder of Oceans of Mercy and God has been doing amazing things with him. Another friend of ours worked at the AIDS orphanage for a few months this past year, and my very own maid of honor and her husband will be going out there as missionaries as well.

Please pray about this and think on this. I can think of no one better way of showing the validity of online community than by supporting our friends in ways that will make the world a better place, and give glory to God.

Visit Crystal’s Mission Website

Copying Mr. Tony Morgan, here is what happened on FlowerDust.net in 2006!

236 posts
3078 comments
Most Popular Post: %*@%^! (120 Comments)
138325 Unique Visitors
287921 Page Views
Went from 180 Daily Visitors to 639 Daily Visitors

Here’s to a great 2007! By the way, I don’t really have internet right now at home, so blogs will be few and far between for a while. I can still email from Chris’ BlackBerry though…so don’t let the love stop.

On April 26-May 2, four other bloggers and I walked the streets of Kolkata (Calcutta), India with Compassion International.

Click here to read about our journey and meet the children we have come to love.

There are hundreds of stories told through this trip.  Stories of the children, the parents, the poverty, the hope, the life, the wealth, the contrast, and the unknown.