answered prayers & promises
January 29th, 2007 @ 4:05 pm

so, when you pray for your spirit to be broken, and expect it to happen. it does. it is the whole “sorrow without despair” thing i mentioned last week. my heart has been put through the wringer lately in many aspects:

  • my gifts [how and where and when am i using them? do i even know what they are or am i wishing?]
  • my creativity [i am feeling extremely lacking in this area]
  • my work [lots of projects, no time, desiring to get ahead of myself]
  • my freelance [i want to do some volunteer work, but i have so many bills to pay...]
  • my estrogen [why do girls feel they must compete? not just in the looks area, but in all areas of life? and maybe it is not girls in general, but just me? why must i compete? it's stupid. i feel like a dog that wants to piss everywhere to claim my territory and get all offended when someone crosses over]
  • our finances [we are paying our bills, all on time, but are left with practically nothing at the end of it all. our needs are met, but it gets scary, and there never seems to be an end in sight]

So all of these areas that have been pressing on my heart lately. Squeezing out every last bit of integrity I can muster just to ask myself:

“do you mean what you say…when you say you’re committed? can you be patient? humble? can you trust? really?”

I have been reading 1st Timothy lately. Probably four times in the last week, hoping to pull some encouragement and insight from Paul’s letter. Absorbing it. And trying to remember it.

On another note, I had a nice surprise on my door frame after our staff meeting. It was one of those little Dove chocolate wrappers and someone had taped it up for when I returned. It said:

Make a list of your dreams

I’m sure this person meant this as an encouragement, and it was - as much as it is funny, as I am the queen of list makers (color-coded, mind you). But what stood out more than the quotation was the trademark:

Promises Message

It was just another reminder that I am promised a future, that He will take care of me, all my anxieties listed above, and whatever dreams I may or may not list. I am promised a unique gifting. I am promised so much - even when I can’t make sense of any of it. Even when it hurts as I am trying to figure it out.

What are you promised?

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Related posts:

  1. can boys and girls just be friends?
  2. keeping your mouth shut!
  3. the starry clay pot
  4. OCDism and how God Speaks through Cheetos
  5. reconciliation vs. forgiveness
  6. wood paneling and my biggest struggle as of late

Authenticity

6 Comments

  1. Carole said,

    January 29, 2007 at 8:52 pm

    Have you ever read “The Barbarian Way” by Erwin McManus? It is now number two on my all time favorite books only after “The Great Divorce” by CS Lewis. It’s a live changer.

  2. west said,

    January 30, 2007 at 2:18 am

    I know I’m promised a home for eternity….now I just have to keep my path straight to get there……

  3. krisk said,

    January 30, 2007 at 9:49 am

    listening ….

  4. Kevin said,

    January 30, 2007 at 11:45 am

    First, congrats on the being pimped by Los. I am commenting for the shear fact of the pimping.

    Second, I read your post after hearing about the pimping and thought how irrelevant this post-pimping comment might seem. So here’s my 2 cents:

    My uncle told me once, “If you pray for rain, bring an umbrella.” That sort of faith went away when I became an adult. I could tell you story, after story about the child like faith I once had. I can remember being attacked by a dog and staring it straight in the face as a kid. Without a moment’s hesitation I scolded it for barking at a child of God and rebuked it in Jesus name. The dog left.

    But now I have a family and if I screw up, they suffer. Where did the faith and promises go?

  5. Crystal Renaud said,

    January 31, 2007 at 7:29 pm

    i’ve learned the most in my God-walk through the letters of Paul. I pray you hear from God in what you are reading.

    blessings.

  6. kontrabanda said,

    February 1, 2007 at 3:06 am

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
    Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination.
    It is our light, more than our darkness, which scares us.

    We ask ourselves - who am I to be brilliant, beautiful, talanted and fabulous?
    Actually, who are you not to be!

    You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
    We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

    It’s not just in some of us, it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine,
    we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
    When we liberate ourselves from our own fears,
    our presence may well liberate others”.
    Marianne Williamson

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