FlowerDust.net

i know there is Truth.
and i thought i knew truth.
fortunately for all of us
they can be mutually exclusive

{although, they shouldn’t be}

when sorrow redeemed itself
i found the grace i had hidden

but when light shined brightest,
grace became lost in the shadow
of memories and questions

i haven’t really talked about sports on here very much. but here you go. i am a huge, huge, huge basketball follower. not fan, follower. it requires discipline and sacrifice (like staying up late for west coast games…) i played basketball all throughout my childhood and in high school, and was at first a giant knicks girl…back in the day with ewing and starks. i was watching when the OJ chase interrupted the 1994 finals. then when the triple j’s (jimmy, jamal and jason) came out with the mavericks right after i moved to dallas, i quickly moved my loyalties. every since then, i have been a mavericks addict.

a sadness overwhelms me. i know this round isn’t over yet, and i know the mavs are capable of a comeback. but i have to admit i’m a little worried. i think in order to win this, they have got to do a couple of things. they have been playing a lot of man-to-man defense and i think with golden state, they really need to go to a 2-3 zone. golden state (except for baron davis) really can’t shoot from outside the paint and i think if they kept them out in the perimeter, it would disrupt the rhythm they’ve been showing. dallas is great at rebounding, and this would really put them back in the game for some possible fast breaks…which they have NOT been doing much of. i think offensively, they REALLY need to tighten up. they are throwing up weak screens, making sloppy shots. i think after having so many fouls from game 3, they were playing extremely scared tonight. both jerry stackhouse and dirk were not at the top of their game. they know better, and they should be playing much, much better.

anyway, i am going to try and go to sleep now. sigh.

at 9pm CDT tonight, the top ranked dallas mavericks need some help getting their stuff together and actually getting more points than fouls…your prayers are appreciated.

so, my husband chris is kind and swings by a local cafe shop to pick his extremely scatter-brained wife up a rare coffee beverage. while waiting in line, he gets in conversation with a man who had spent some time in australia. he said, “you know, you couldn’t wear that shirt there, “rooted” means something completely different and really inappropriate.” the guy went on to say his ministry he had started was called “rooted and grounded” and when they started wearing their shirts, everywhere they’d go, people would laugh.

we had a similar language barrier in scotland when we said pants (means underwear), tea (means dinner), dinner (means lunch), pudding (means dessert). we never knew what meal we’d be eating. fortunately, we didn’t talk about chris’ great aunt. her name was fanny. and that is one word you do NOT want to say out there.

so, my aussie friends…is it true?

thanks to one of my amazing coworkers, jordan, i met a couple cool guys today who travel with life choices. anyway, after getting to hear what they are doing across the country (they were headed down to waco) and signing a copy of one of my articles for them (which was really uncomfortable…i could never be famous and do that on a consistent basis…i know i turned bright red!!) we somehow started talking about oswald chambers and i was reminded i needed to catch up as he is usually a daily read for me. i missed this on monday, and thought it was extremely applicable to those of us who are involved in serving our local church, whether paid or volunteer. so, enjoy the wisdom below and when you’re done, check out what life choices is doing!

Beware of any work for God that causes or allows you to avoid concentrating on Him. A great number of Christian workers worship their work. The only concern of Christian workers should be their concentration on God. This will mean that all the other boundaries of life, whether they are mental, moral, or spiritual limits, are completely free with the freedom God gives His child; that is, a worshiping child, not a wayward one. A worker who lacks this serious controlling emphasis of concentration on God is apt to become overly burdened by his work. He is a slave to his own limits, having no freedom of his body, mind, or spirit. Consequently, he becomes burned out and defeated. There is no freedom and no delight in life at all. His nerves, mind, and heart are so overwhelmed that God’s blessing cannot rest on him.

But the opposite case is equally true–once our concentration is on God, all the limits of our life are free and under the control and mastery of God alone. There is no longer any responsibility on you for the work. The only responsibility you have is to stay in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your cooperation with Him. The freedom that comes after sanctification is the freedom of a child, and the things that used to hold your life down are gone. But be careful to remember that you have been freed for only one thing–to be absolutely devoted to your co-Worker.

We have no right to decide where we should be placed, or to have preconceived ideas as to what God is preparing us to do. God engineers everything; and wherever He places us, our one supreme goal should be to pour out our lives in wholehearted devotion to Him in that particular work. “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might . . .”

some days it’s just good to be silly.

Besides being one of the worst officiated hockey games I have ever seen, it was just sad. Hopefully the Mavs can pull it together and take it all the way…

as i am digging through my junk drawer at work, i find a misplaced and forgotten 1099-R form for my retirement plan. crap. crap. crap. now i must fill out form 1040x for federal, and since it was money put in when i lived in kansas, i must fill out a kw-5 form as well. just when i thought my tax filing woes were over. like one can remember every 1099-R she receives…

so, how’s your monday?

Many people are upset and/or think that television and other media outlets have misused their power by showing the videos, photos, and parts of the manifesto from V-Tech killer, Cho Seung-Hui.

I disagree.

You must take into context my background in press, my current dealings in media (print & radio), and my journalistic nature. I have never marched at a free speech rally, but I completely agree with the words of Benjamin Franklin:

He who sacrifices freedom for security deserves neither.

People are upset because they think this media frenzy with the videos, photos, and writings will ignite other psychotic idiots out there to view Seung-Hui as a martyr. That this will envoke supressed feelings of violence. My personal belief is if you are already that screwed up, the concept of this situation is going to set those thoughts and actions in motion. It doesn’t take a video, photo, or manifesto to do that.

All it takes is the situation.

Some argue that Seung-Hui is getting exactly what he wanted - infamy. He got that before any of the NBC packet was released. He got that when he committed the largest mass killing in the history of the United States.

I believe it is the press’ job to report the news, and use their judgment to decide what is encompassed in that. And I believe it is our responsibility to change the channel if you don’t want to see it. And yes, there are sick freaks out there who will be fascinated by this guy, the photos, the videos, and the press gives them exactly what they want.

But that isn’t the press’ fault. That removes personal responsibility from those who choose to view such things. And if somebody out there goes out and copy-cats this guy, it is not the press’ fault. It is that person’s fault.

The media is also doing a great job remembering lives lost, dreams ended. You can’t deny that.

Anyway, there is my rant. I know from previous politically charged postings that the comments here could get ugly, so I ask that you respectfully comment.

And for a different point of view, please check out my dear friend Los’ blog.

Penny for your thoughts?

when i was a kid, i wanted a 1993 teal camaro. when i was 16, i wanted a bright yellow ford ranger pick up (i am texan you know). but when i was 19, i was introduced to the most beautiful car in the world - the 1970 mercedes 280SL roadster convertible. there are several other years that look similar to the 1970, but there is something just lucious about this car.

i saw one (a white one) while chris and i were out in sundance square over the weekend. instant lust. my eyes could not be removed from its hard, flawless body or the way the sun sparkled in its headlamps. my pulse increased just a little bit and i felt my palms getting sweaty.

what’s your dream car?

everyone knows today is tax day. this is the first year in eleven that i have waited until the last minute to file. why? because i know i owe and i was afraid to see how much, as well as i knew it would be a complicated return. both chris and i worked in kansas (which has a state tax), we moved, we both were self-employed, we both worked in texas (which has no state tax), we bought office equipment for our self-employment, we traveled for it and i knew it was just going to be a mess.

this year, i got turbo tax deduction maximizer for our tax woes. i have always done them manually (and kind of enjoyed it) but not this time. i purchased a copy on eBay for $15 (which is a tax-preparation write off, however, you might actually owe tax for things you purchased online…) i found this little piece of software to be a magical charm. with all of the self-employment items, the deduction maximizer walked me through every possible thing we could deduct. it was amazing. it filled in every blank on the 67 page return we are filing. yes. 67 pages. although we still owe on our federal return, it is a very small amount. on the kansas state return, we are getting a pretty hefty refund. they almost balance each other out perfectly.

i did log on to e-file.com to get some information from my taxes last year and saw the ticking clock. now that stressed me out! we decided to mail our return in this year. i’d rather pay $4 for priority mail than the fees they charge you online (which is also a tax-preparation write off).

did you get your taxes done?

at about 7 pm last night, i got a text message from my friend los who lives in riverside, california. it says, “so, are you hunkered down in some hole?” i had no idea what he was talking about, but knowing there was a chance of thunderstorms approaching, i flipped on the television and all our local channels were lit up in reds and yellows (the colors of impending weather doom) as sirens began to blare all around the dallas/fort worth area.

fortunately, nothing too severe came through the small, middle-of-nowhere town where chris and i currently reside (top white house on the map), but as we watched the news, tornado after tornado kept touching down along the interstate 30 corridor…and lake pointe church is right on i-30 (bottom white house on the map).

after assuring los, and his friend brian that we were okay (you know your friends are cool when they sit around watching the weather channel on a friday night and worry about you) we began to get a little nervous as we saw the rotation markers appear literally right over the spot on the map where lake pointe’s rockwall campus nests. soon, they confirm a funnel cloud is spinning right over heath, which is maybe 60 seconds south of the church. fortunately, nothing too crazy went down in rockwall county, despite what the maps and weather guys said.

i’ve always been a big fan of tornadoes and maybe one day i’ll get to chase them down. someone asked how many tornadoes i have seen in my life and i researched some records online today. i’ve experienced first-hand 28 tornado touchdowns since my birth. the most vivid ones are:

1) my first (when i was five)

2) one which hit our house and church when i was twelve (we made the front page of the san angelo standard-times the day after!)

3) the march 2000 tornado that ripped a three-mile path through downtown fort worth (cool video footage of it hitting downtown) and tore up the arlington neighborhood i lived in during my junior year of high school (my parents had moved, so they were safe)

4) the kansas city tornado outbreak of 2003 (only a few miles north of my former church)

5) the last one in kansas which i blogged about that happened only a few weeks before we moved to texas.

what about you? ever been in a twister?

being a film critic (that sounds so snobby, doesn’t it?) has some perks. getting to see movies in advance and for free is one. getting to talk about them via radio airwaves is another. my favorite though is probably the giveaways we get to do. (although getting kissed by…I mean getting to meet Will Smith is up there on the list).

please allow me to touch on all three perks.

1) i saw “perfect stranger” last night. save your money.

2) matt, cindy, and i are going to be on 89.7 powerfm in dallas on sunday at 9:00 pm CDT to talk about movies and film culture and honestly, who knows what else? it’s going to be a crazy show. don’t live in dallas? listen online live.

3) we’re giving away a copy of the queen AND a copy of dejavu. one lucky winner from flowerdust.net will be chosen! you may win one, you may win both…just enter here by april 24.

ENTER HERE FOR THE QUEEN AND
ENTER HERE FOR DEJA VU

Seen any good movies lately?

in october 2006, lifeway christian resources announced that over 1300 staff members of southern baptist churches had been fired in 2006 alone. this is just one denomination and one year, so it’s not inclusive of all churches or all reasons for leaving a job (being fired or resigning or moral failure…or the ever-so-tricky “forced to resign”).

i left one southern baptist church in february 2006 after being on staff for a little over two years and now work at another southern baptist church. i can think of at least twenty (without even trying) people i know who have been fired, quit, moved to another church or left a church staff for health reasons between 2006 and 2007. max lucado himself is slowly stepping down from his responsibilities at oak hills church.

many of my good friends have been burned out by working at churches. my own father left the ministry in 1996 after being run over and pastoring four churches in ten years. early last year, i swore i’d never work in a church again because of the intense pressure (but fortunately, a couple of people were able to move me along, and although at times it seems insanely hectic, lake pointe has been such a place of healing).

i reflect today on this because in the last three weeks i have learned of a couple more of my friends who have left the ministry. my heart breaks for their hearts. for their families.

my heart is saddened by the general condition of the western church culture. there are so many health problems reported by church staff. i ended up in the hospital for a week in 2005. a friend in his early twenties who is a youth pastor developed ulcers. heart problems seem to be the norm though, with middle-aged pastors and stress (and perhaps the fact generally seaking, most churches serve junk food more often than communion?)

i cynically digress. please forgive me. i do not take the sacrament of communion in such light regard…

the sad thing is NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE ABOUT THIS UNLESS SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

but what? seriously, what kind of example are we setting by turning ourselves into little, overworked stress balls with heart disease and ulcers? by our broken families? our broken dreams?

i dont have the answers, but i sure as heck want to talk about this.

i know a lot of people reading this work at a church, and most of you go to a church somewhere. so, i ask for you to help me out.

i work in the communications department at lake pointe, and i am doing a little research. i would LOVE for as many of you as possible to send me your worship guide/bulletins/whatever-you-call them. and if you have a newsletter or something, feel free to throw that in too. you might think yours rocks. you may think it sucks. i don’t care. please just send me one! i’ll send you something cool back…as an incentive. i dont know what that looks like yet…but…it will be cool.

please drop me a note below to let me know you’ll be sending something, so i can keep an eye out for it. as far as where to send it:

anne jackson
c/o lake pointe church
701 interstate 30
rockwall, tx 75087

(and for you internet stalkers out there, there’s no way you would ever find my office…it’s hidden…so don’t even try).

by the way…there are those with whom i work who don’t think anything good comes out of blogging…and i would love to show them otherwise…how hundreds of people (no pressure) can flood my inbox here with their church’s printed goods!!

thank you so much!

so, who would have known a texas officer of the law lurks on my blog? not i! until i received an email from him. with his generous help and investigation into my driver’s license status, he discovered i will not have to take the driver’s test and provided me with some documentation to take to the DL office with me when i go.

to that unspoken hero, i say a public THANK YOU for helping me out!

eleven years ago, i received my driver’s license. it was two months after my 16th birthday, as i broke my wrist on my birthday and was unable to drive to complete my driver’s ed test until 8 weeks later and my cast was removed.

fast forward to march 2007. LAX. 5am. a quick stop at McDonalds outside united airlines terminal. a wallet left behind on a fork/knife/napkin/straw kiosk. GONE.

because i am such a procrastinator, i had my kansas driver’s license in there, and have never gotten my texas one, even though i’ve lived here over a year. and because i can’t get the kansas one replaced, here is the process i must go through at some point (until then, keep praying i don’t get pulled over as i have NO valid driver’s license in any state right now!)

get marriage certificate (done)
get new social security card
go to DMV and take written test
go to DMV and take driving test
gather current title/registration of my car
take all above documents to driver’s license office
smile, flash, photo

and once again i will be legal

a driver’s test? are you serious?

i can’t parallel park.

i’ve noticed from the “introduce yourself” post that quite a few of my blog readers are from australia. i’ve subscribed to their blogs now and with each read i more and more find myself wanting to move there. it’s autumn there, you know.

lately, i’ve also been in touch with some friends from scotland. i even had a lady from an ad agency in edinburgh email me last week asking for my CV (resume) and art portfolio, completely out of the blue. talk about temptation! i sent it along, knowing full well we can’t afford to move overseas, or afford to apply for the HSMP to get our visas.

all of this comes down to my struggle with contentment…being happy where i am at and not day dreaming of far off lands (which i hold in idealistic regard). if money were no issue, and my husband was down with it…i think my dream would be to travel and write for the rest of my life.

what would you do?

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman’s plan to turn her dead father’s ashes into a diamond was thwarted Tuesday by her grandmother.

A district court in Wiesbaden ruled the 19-year-old could not take the cremated remains to Switzerland where a company creates synthetic diamonds from ashes.

“The daughter of the deceased could not provide sufficient proof that it was his final wish to be pressed into a diamond,” the court in western Germany said, ruling in favor of his 86-year-old mother.

The court said the daughter’s views on the care of the remains took precedence over the wishes of the dead man’s mother but ruled that any decision had to be in accordance with the expressed wishes of the deceased.

The ashes are placed in a press under intense pressure and heat, replicating the forces that create a natural diamond, over a period of several months. Synthetic diamonds have been manufactured from carbon since the mid-1950s.

everywhere
and it’s a good thing
moving so fast
and finding it hard to stop
at least i can rest in
the fact you
are in each in breath
filling my lungs
circulating in my veins
coursing with each beat
through my heart

thank you

What are two things that make you happy? Ecstatically happy? Smile for the rest of the day happy?

Mine are surprise chocolate and lots of pillows.

Deep, huh?