a week of deadly vipers: zi qi qi ren
October 30th, 2007 @ 5:24 am
today, meet the assassin known as zi qi qi ren.
zi qi qi ren is chinese for “self deception while deceiving others.” although we talked a little bit about deception yesterday, this is a much more intentional covering up. a concealing. completely hiding.
my favorite part of this chapter:
Concealment can happen in a variety of forms and for various reasons. Secrets seem to make everything better until they make everything worse. That’s right: with every situation we try to cover up, the truth eventually comes out. The rooster will eventually come home to roost and he is going to have his way with those hens.
one of my friends was a pastor of a large church. for a number of years, he was living a double life. on one hand, he was a terrific pastor, inspiring leader, amazing husband to a beautiful wife and great father to a plethora of children. that was the only way i had ever seen him. however, he was secretly having an affair with another woman - for years.
and like the book says, the truth eventually came out. everyone was shocked.
chris and i still keep in touch with him. and after his confession (although it took a long time) he said he has never understood grace so deeply than how he understands it now.
we live in a society where we are scared to talk about our deepest struggles and our biggest mistakes. we think as long as it’s hidden, we’re safe.
were my friend’s life, family, ministry, his job…were they safe as he kept his sin concealed?
it sure seemed that way. fear had entangled him into secrecy. but none of those things were really safe.
why?
truth wins.
god is a god of grace. HUGE, gigantic, ENORMOUS grace. i pray we can only become more like him. as leaders, we need to create a culture in which transparency is valued and grace is extended.
also from the book:
You can suffer in secrecy for a long time. Or, you can start being the leader you were, and are, meant to be.
if you are reading this and you’re thinking, “oh crap. oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. i have this thing i need to confess…”
DO IT.
do NOT live in the shame any longer. do not be self deceived. don’t deceive others.
it could totally jack up your family.
it could totally jack up your ministry.
it could totally jack up your reputation.
but confessing it will SET YOU FREE.
What are your secrets that you are afraid might come out? Is it better to live in fear or freedom?
shame and fear are from satan who wants to keep you in the dark.
conviction and confession are from God who wants to bring you into the light.
do it. own up to it.
there is amazing grace waiting for you on the other side.
Related posts:
Deadly Viper
Anne Jackson said,
October 30, 2007 at 10:05 am
Cricket. Cricket.
Sorry.
I know I was preaching. :)
Just something very close to my heart.
david said,
October 30, 2007 at 10:09 am
Amen!!!
I hear ya loud and clear
jimmy paravane said,
October 30, 2007 at 10:59 am
It wasn’t the preaching, it was the question. No stampede of responses after asking everyone what secrets they’re afraid might come out? I’m shocked! Shocked I tell you! Why couldn’t you post on blogging like everyone else this week? (grin)
Anne Jackson said,
October 30, 2007 at 11:12 am
Check.
Mate.
:)
I am just REALLY passionate about this topic…and to think it was actually about 1/3 longer than it is now…I tried making it shorter last night…
I am breaking the long posts rule!!
But seriously…don’t tell me your secret…Find someone close to you…give them access…
I know you can do it.
D RHo said,
October 30, 2007 at 11:33 am
Anne… Wow! I thought many more would post on this.
Do we even know ourselves that well? The deception can be very thick - to the point of someone convincing themselves that they don’t struggle with their secret. Heck, they may not even think anything’s wrong with their life. Oblivious. I know, because I was there once. Porn - ah, it’s just my personal problem, it doesn’t affect anyone but me, I’ll beat it some day and no one has to know, besides it’s just God’s created beauty I’m admiring, everyone’s got something they struggle with so I’m okay, it’s normal… (lies)
It seems from the lack of response, that fear is the more powerful motivator for human-kind; well over love and grace. People don’t trust in love because the example most are given (by other humanbeings) is that love is attached to one’s performance. Do good, get love; do bad, get no love. The same can be said for grace. Grace is scary as hell especially when we realize that God already knows our darkest secrets. Have you ever tried to face someone who found out your secret?!? To imagine/experience the reality of Christ’s love and grace in today’s uber-unloving-fear-driven-society is nothing short of miraculous!
I feel prayers coming on…
I’m out.
Anne Jackson said,
October 30, 2007 at 11:40 am
Daniel - thanks for the thoughts. I was pretty sure this one would end up being a little intense…and that’s fine!
Something the book talks about is the fact that we have created a very “punishible” culture where people are kicked to the curb for screwing up and sadly I have seen that happen a LOT with people who are in ministry.
Thanks for also sharing some of your struggles!
Melinda Groth said,
October 30, 2007 at 11:53 am
Interestingly, a friend of mine (http://janetfra.livejournal.com/) blogged about earnestly trying to set up perimeters in her life, in an attempt to stay pure, not just be SEEN as pure.
The avalanche of responses about, for the most part, her being over-cautious was startling. All commenters made great points about wanting to be included in the lives of each other. However, in order to keep from ending up needing mountains of grace, strict guidelines are essential.
I am NOT saying that I have my behavior right, by any means. I am the first to want to jump right into a situation and be a consoler, confidant and comforter, which can be precarious, without wisdom. It is because of my own behavior, that I know the need of those guidelines . . . and grace.
I fully agree with you about the need to offer an arm up out of the muck and help clean up, instead of smearing the muck more thoroughly.
Girl Gone Wild said,
October 30, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Oh man…I take a week off from blogging and things get “mucky”! Very good conversations…wondering what people are thinking with this post…maybe they’re all stepping out to confess. For me…I’m processing your words…and no I don’t have issues with procrastination…at all… :-S
Anne Jackson said,
October 30, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Melinda - thanks for the link; I’ll check that out.
GGW - Welcome to the muck (muahahahaha) :) JK. Right now I am procrastinating fixing some print jobs I need to fix…so…uh, I better go… :)
Jenn said,
October 30, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I agree that society today has a problem with honesty/transparency. Maybe even more so among Christians??? Even with any kind of struggle (I had a post awhile back about people being uncomfortable with pain). Because I think we believe that we have to keep up the image that we pray and “poof”, problem gone.
I struggle with being perhaps too open about things - like sharing what ever my heart/head is saying to me at that time, out loud! Is there a balance??? I even struggle with posts on my blog, like thinking “will people be offended if I write that” or “what will others think about me if I am completely honest here?” Perhaps a little off your thoughts but just being honest here (hahaha).
Anne Jackson said,
October 30, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Jenn -
There is definitely a time and place for sharing certain things. Something I liked about the book was it talked about giving one person all access to your life. Right now this person is my husband - email passwords, everything. Then there are a couple of people who have almost all access that I meet with bi-weekly; but probably talk to weekly. We know each others’ struggles and are able to pray for each other.
Then there is open forum - which for me are the things I write about. Issues I still have to watch? Absolutely. It almost helps provide more accountability for me to have these up because it makes me really keep my guard up.
But do I blog about every single thing that runs in my mind? Nooooo way. There are still things that are hard for me to tell Chris or my friend that I meet with regularly. Necessary though. Hard, but necessary.
Lory said,
October 30, 2007 at 1:57 pm
thanks friend. what deep and personal stuff this brings up. sending a text now to one of the people to whom i confess.
Anne Jackson said,
October 30, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Lory - I am glad you are open to the Spirit’s whispers to your heart. ;) Rock on girl.
Stacey said,
October 30, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Wow, did this one bring up the soul goo.
Kevin said,
October 30, 2007 at 4:10 pm
One of my favorite stories in Groeschel’s Confessions of a Pastor. He told a story about a lifegroup in which one guy confessed his struggling addiction with pornography. As he broke down, the group responded with love and understanding. Meanwhile, the new girl that had just started attending broke down. She confessed that she was a single mom who was strip dancer. It was the only way she could afford to pay the bills. She had never seen so much love before. The LifeGroup said they would cover the bills if she quit. She did.
Sin is like fungus. It likes the dark, damp parts of our life. It hideously grows there. But once the light exposes it, it shrivels up and dies. It can’t handle the light and will never be the same once exposed.
jen said,
October 30, 2007 at 6:15 pm
i can only reiterate what anne has said…….the truth will win out….i will also say that it doesn’t always mean life will be easy when you do the right thing….but it is a freer life to live, even in the midst of the consequences one can suffer from sin, AFTER COMING CLEAN, than letting sin control you, deceive you, into thinking you can go on, live two lives and have peace, impact others and serve god completely……..
the freedom that confession brings to your soul is something you will only know once you’ve done it
it’s a bittersweet place to be, but i’ve ‘been there…..done it’
clay said,
October 30, 2007 at 8:18 pm
OUCH!!!
clay said,
October 30, 2007 at 8:20 pm
my toes are being stepped, no, stomped on! yikes!
sometimes it’s scary to be honest because you don’t know how the other person will react. it’s hard to be real, authentic sometimes.
Sarah Markley said,
October 30, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Wow, reading all of these comments is amazing. Yes, I completely attest to the fact that after coming clean, 100% (not just partially), freedom is perfectly sweet. I’ve been “clean” for almost 4 years and, yes, it jacked up my family, ministry and reputation. But it was all worth it. I still have my family and have slowly begun to regain trust and acceptance in other areas. I came “clean” to my whole church last spring when I gave my testimony at a retreat. What an amazing thing to know that now, EVERYONE knows my dirt. No secrets. No hiding! Its is total freedom. =)
mike said,
October 30, 2007 at 10:53 pm
transparency is hard. and you would think it would be easier on the net. so just imagine how hard it is in real life. I’ve got to force myself to do it. this is why creating a culture of radical grace and not judgment is so critical. we are all afraid to be judged. that’s why we hide.
Avery said,
October 31, 2007 at 12:29 am
Amen…
Great Post…
tunz said,
October 31, 2007 at 6:48 am
Anne, I no longer like your blog.
Ok, I like your blog but I am not ready for this.
Please pray for me.
candice said,
October 31, 2007 at 8:36 am
anne!!! thank you, for talking the tough talk. my pastor just spoke on uncovering the junk in our lives and he said something that has stuck in my head and continues to inspire me to dig out all the junk and to not allow it to take root and poison my life. “God will uncover what we try to cover. BUT! He will cover everything we uncover!” :) love you, sister!! keep rockin’