FlowerDust.net

…i’d like to say i don’t have internet.

somehow we have a little dot of wifi showing up. we were supposed to have ours hooked up today, but they somehow lost our reservation. so until thursday, it will be quiet (although we might go to the library and use the computers there…or lug our iMac to a hotspot).

so, we moved in quickly (under an hour or so once we got going and a whole group of people showed up!) and am totally digging the new place.

more thursday…or sooner if we can.

much love!

alrighty…so, by the time you are reading this, we are hopefully on the road to nashville. we’ll be staying the night in memphis (in a fancy-schmancy hotel because afterall, it is our 5th anniversary) so, yeah. there you have it.

if you could pray for our safety as we travel, and for everything to just go smoothly (we had a few hiccups with the moving truck company) that would be great!

see y’all later!

chris and i just finished packing. not counting furniture or other random things (which, don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of)…we only have 38 boxes of stuff to move!

that is it! i think the movers are going to laugh at us.

i remember after our second year of marriage we filled up a 24′ truck and packed our cars to the brim as we moved out of a 1400 square foot townhome. we had SOOO much stuff. and that was after we threw and gave a lot of it away.

now, i hate to brag, but 38 medium sized boxes? including our clothes, food, appliances…everything?

that is not too shabby.

the movers come tomorrow at 10 am, but we don’t leave until friday at 10 am. we’ll spend the day cleaning and…who knows? no TV, computer…nothing. fun times! i probably won’t be back online until saturday…thanks for being patient in my absence!

oklahoma city, thanks. it’s been a fun six months.

nashville, here we come!

what was your worst moving nightmare?

sometimes churches have special events to celebrate their top givers. most of the churches i know do this for members who give over a certain amount of money per week/month/year. usually there is an appreciation dinner or vision casting event.

so, i’ve always wondered why this is. don’t get me wrong…i realize those who give significant amounts of money to the church typically do it consistently and that saying goes “20 percent of the people give 80 percent of the income” and i do think giving (in general) should be celebrated.

but equal giving does not mean equal sacrifice.

someone who making six figures a year can easily drop $500 a month in tithing but for someone else to give $500 a month could be extremely sacrificial.

why aren’t those things equally celebrated?

does your church celebrate the “big givers?” do you celebrate all the givers? do you celebrate giving at all? what do you think?

so…it has been a week without internet on my phone. and seriously, it hasn’t buzzed in over two days. i think i am past the original withdrawal/pity-party stage of “nobody loves me” because evidently my self-worth was tied up in how many times my phone pinged me a day…

we also don’t have internet at home. or laptops at the moment. and i really don’t feel like hauling our iMac down to our nearest wifi provider…

fortunately, someone named “linksys” occasionally pops up in our airport and we can get online. but it’s not always there…so i can’t guarantee how much i’ll be online this week…

our internet guy will be coming out at the same time we are moving in on saturday (which, if you live in nashville and want to help, email me — anne @ flowerdust . net) so hopefully that will bring some consistency back to my online social interaction.

back to packing…and to get valium for our cats. seriously. that’s what they drug your cats with for road trips. anyone ever done that?

this is our last week in oklahoma city. two of our closest friends each wanted to celebrate the future with us one last time before we escape to nashville.

last wednesday, our friend aaron called chris and asked him if he, and his wife lorren, could take us somewhere.

where?

somewhere.

about thirty minutes later they were at our house, and thirty more minutes later we were at a casino in the middle of nowhere, oklahoma.

aaron slapped a twenty-dollar bill in our hands and told us to go to town. lorren and i lost our money in the penny slots after about 15 minutes. chris, on the other hand, managed to take his last dollar and win $60, only to lose it all playing a slot machine called the lusty devil.

those lusty devils will win every time.

it was certainly the most random farewell we have ever experienced…yet even though the cigarette smoke that permeated our clothes is now gone, our casino trip is something we’ll remember forever.

==

last night, we went over to blake and ally’s house. we’ve only known them a couple of months but every time we hang out, it’s well past 1 am when we leave.

after dinner, we got snow cones, checked out the house they’re moving into, and headed back to their home where we began discussing important theological issues such as communal living and scary times in tijuana. as chris and i spoke of our accidental trip into the slums of mexico, a loud bang echoed in the living room and glass shattered above the couch where blake and ally sat.

blake threw ally on the ground, somehow i manged to fly about 25 feet and assume the army-crawl position in the kitchen whereas my husband looked ready to fly through the window and kick the crap out of whoever just shot/threw a bomb/threw a rock through the window.

as ally and i looked at each other, trying not to let the fear-induced swear words wake their four children up, blake and chris approached the front door.

i suddenly remembered our life insurance policy ended thursday and got a little worried.

blake’s brother along with his children had decided to TP blake and ally’s yard, and for fun, he also pounded loudly on the window causing it to break.

at least nobody died.

but our car was TP’ed.

and after we recovered, continued our conversations about transgendered mexican prostitutes and (unrelated) marketing and target audiences, blake prayed over us and we drove home.

this is life.
the way it should be.
unscripted.
scary.
random.
fun.
memorable.

i feel completely unworthy of these friendships, yet completely grateful.

when i get nervous, my feet sweat.

your turn…share your grossest quirk!

Shawn Wood, the Experiences Pastor at Seacoast Church, has started a blog tour to support his new book, 200 Pomegranates and an Audience of One which releases September 2008 and is available for pre-order now at Amazon.com.

=====

Anne: Well it looks like everyone who has done the blog tour so far has made some type of joke in their first question so far about Pomegranates, so I will spare you any humor there. But what’s the book about and why would I want to read it?

Shawn: Well, first of all Anne, I am so excited to be able to stop by THE flowerdust.net…wow. We met through the blogosphere and then were able to hang just a bit at MinistryCOM this past year - which I am excited to see you are speaking at this year - and it’s been great to learn from you and see your journey develop with your book Mad Church Disease.

Mechanics are artists. No longer is art limited to painters and musicians. Each one of us is an artist, endowed by our Creator with skills and talents that can make our world a more beautiful place. Every good mom is an artist, molding her children as a creation of God. Every teacher makes a mark on the young people in his classroom. Every ethical businessperson leaves a legacy of people seeing God through his or her careful and honest work.

Anne: Well, you were nice enough to let me read your manuscript in its early stages and it captivated me. Your gift of storytelling, when combined with your passion for artistry, makes for an inspiring read. I know this is hard to decide as an author, but what was your favorite part of the book?

Shawn: The stories. The book is simply me telling areas I have blown it. Areas I have learned from people older than me. Areas that I have figured it out with God’s help and some of the dumb stuff I have done while trying to live the life of a Christ follower. The book highlights the life of a Dentist, a working Mom of an Autistic child, a wonderful wife and home keeper, a Pastor, and a Welder to show that God can use the life of ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Everyone who has read the books has said, “man this book will be great for a _______________” and filled in the blank with a different noun. That was the book I was trying to write.

Anne: So what do you hope readers will do after reading it?

Shawn: At the end of the book I have a prayer that I would hope would be the heart-beat of someone who had read, experienced and responded to the stories and scripture presented in this book:

God, I pray that you would remind me that you created me for a life of meaning and influence, ultimately to bring you fame. I pray that you would continue this work in me in me and hone my skills, talents and spiritual gifts in such a way that you would be honored by my greatness. As I walk in this journey, God, I pray that you would show me what to do, teaching me what the passion of my life should be. Along that journey, I pray that you would allow me to have the courage and the integrity to do something meaningful with my life. Lord, teach me to see the needs of others as you see them, and to invest in your other people your prized possessions. When I do this, I pray that it would be a beacon that shines on you. God, as I do these things I pray that you would be my audience. That my love and adoration would be for you and that you alone would get my praise. And lastly, God, allow me the grace to finish the race well. I look forward to seeing you and hearing you say, “well done.” Lord, give me your strength to finish strong in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Anne: When will people be able to pick it up and how can they help spread the word?

Shawn: The book will be available in September of 2008. In fact I am so excited to be releasing the book at Granger Church’s Innovate conference. It will be available through Abingdon press through Amazon, Barnes and Noble or as they say in the biz, wherever fine books are sold.

Thanks so much for letting me have a few hundred words of your time! Carve Pomegranates!

You can also download a sample of Shawn’s book right here, right now!

====
Any other books you are looking forward to reading?

pete “the waxyone” wilson (who will be my new boss, so, treat him nicely) asked me to write a guest blog for him while he and his family are on vacation…you can read that here

and the catalyst crew put a little guest diddy up for me yesterday on the catablog…which can read here

in other news, my phone has not buzzed since 9:41 am. it is taking some getting used to!

shaun reminded me why i rarely show my legs in public

mike hyatt shares some great email tips

seth makes me think twice (he does fairly often)

and jarrod asks if jesus would have a beer with him

anything cool you’ve come across lately?

mike wrote an interesting post yesterday about how much gas is used to get people to and from church gatherings.

now, i am not a mathematician by any means so i didn’t double check the numbers, but he has made some very fascinating calculations (which only take into consideration one trip to church per week):

he says,

*Say 3000 people attend your church.

*Average family of four equals 750 vehicles.

* Average fuel economy: 26mpg…but we’ll assume 20mpg for in-town driving, SUV’s, idling, etc.

*Average miles to place of worship? We’ll assume 15 round trip. Conservative.

That’s 750 vehicles traveling 15 miles, divided by 20 mpg: 562.5 total gallons for fuel burned.

At 4 dollars per gallon, that’s $2,250 dollars per week. or $117,000 per year for the congregation.

puts a whole new spin on the “consumerist” mindset, huh?

based on those numbers, it seems like it would cost the average american church-going family $3/week or $156/year to drive to church.

i realize megachurches are the minority, so you here’s the math…(and yes, my head hurts from trying to figure this all out!)

church of 100: $3,900

church of 250: $9,750

church of 500: $19,500

church of 1000: $39,000

and for kicks, i thought i’d do lakewood church…since i have been on a joel osteen kick and all.

church of 40,000: $1,560,000

just to drive to church…

gas prices were something chris and i took into consideration for our move to nashville. we feel very fortunate we found a home that is within walking distance from my office (also the church family we will be a part of). that alone will save us at least $200/month in gas (and i drive a rather fuel-efficient compact car).

has the price of gas impacted your daily decisions? do you think it will shape the way we “do” church in america? is this being culturally responsible? for those of you in other countries where it has been high for a while, how does it affect your work/leisure/living?

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend from a pub, taking her home and forcing her to iron his clothes and wash the dishes, police said Monday.

The 43-year-old man dragged the woman out of a pub in the port city of Genoa, shoved her into a car and took her to his home where he made her iron and wash dishes after threatening her, they said.

Police arrived at his house after being tipped off by a friend of the woman who watched the scene at the pub.

The man, who was apparently furious at his ex-girlfriend for leaving him, was arrested on charges of kidnapping, police said.

if chris ever left me, i’d kidnap him and make him do the dishes and take out the trash.

what chores do you hate to do?

don, who is the senior advisor for pastor osteen, sent me this email this morning:

Anne: What a pleasure it was to read the kind words you posted on your blog. Joel does not use email or surf the net (he’s a bit old fashioned in that respect), but I will print and give your comments to him. He is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet, and I know he will greatly appreciate your words. I also know that he and Victoria would enjoy meeting you and hopefully one day that will happen. God bless. –Don

okay. joel osteen doesn’t use email? that is just amazing.

i replied to don, asking if it was okay to share our conversation with you (considering my previous post) and he said:

Anne: You’ll love this… He only began to use text messaging a few months ago. I think it’s because his kids started sending him text messages and he had to adapt. Now he thinks texting is the coolest thing. Anyway, feel free to blog about it if you wish. Blessings –Don

now that is just too sweet…i don’t care who you are!

so…all this, plus your comments, put the nail in the coffin.

I DID IT!!!!! i no longer have email or internet on my phone. it’s done. that’s it. finito!

please pray for my withdrawals!

maybe it’s time for you to leap, too?

as long as i’ve been able to, i’ve been getting email on my phone. maybe four years or so? i dunno.

i’ve always felt this sense that if i wasn’t in the loop or didn’t know something, the whole world would come crumbling down. what if someone left dirty comments on my blog? i can fix that from my phone. what if a friend emailed me an urgent prayer request? what if….?

chris and i have done a lot of traveling over the last month to see family before we move to nashville. on these trips, i haven’t cracked open my computer. i don’t even keep my phone with me all the time. and you know what? i haven’t missed it.

i have over 20 unread emails in my personal account. and another 44 that came in over the weekend that i read last night and haven’t responded to. and i’m learning that nobody’s died and no wars were started because i haven’t responded.

lately, i’ve been pondering ditching the email and data plan on my phone. sure, i’ll lose some cool things like my GPS/google maps, twitter, and google reader…but it’s been sounding really good lately.

part of me doesn’t like spending the extra 50 bucks a month to get all that i “need.” part of me knows i have low self control and low self esteem to boot so i am always feeling the compulsion to check my phone and see if i’m “needed.” part of me realizes i’m setting an example for people around me of how i respect and honor those i’m with.

most of me has been cherishing the time away from my phone and in front of my husband or friends totally focused on them instead of the “buzzzzz….buzzzz….” chris saying, “can you please put your phone away?” has happened too often and i’m sure for every time he says it, he isn’t saying it the other ten times.

so really…i’m thinking of going back to the basics.

have you ever been tempted?

EDIT: As of lunch time, I took the plunge. I canceled it. Only voice and text (and only a handful of people have my number so I don’t get pinged with texts very often). I’m excited to see what this freedom brings!

Dear Pastor Osteen,

Since my husband and I have not had cable for four and a half years of our five year marriage, Sunday nights provide little entertainment. More often than not, I am left to veg in front of an infomercial for the Cookie Diet, the movie, Liar Liar (in Spanish), or your TV program.

I must embarrassingly confess that in the last five years, we have intentionally tuned in (and affectionately named you “Smiley Pastor”) to do nothing more than to criticize you and the feel-good messages you have become so well known for.

(I also admittedly enjoy your Texas accent, as I do miss my home state, but I digress.)

People in my generation like to poke fun at things that are different than we are. And we tend to do this more in groups, egging each other on. I’d like to say I’ve done this out of a “fun and games” mindset but when I dig deep, I realize I’ve done it because of pride.

This Sunday was not unlike others. I flipped through the six or seven channels and landed again on your broadcast.

And all of the sudden I realized that I have been a really petty person.

This world is so negative. Even in our christian circles, there seems to be a spirit of cynicism and defeat. You are different. The joy I was making fun of is something I so desperately needed to experience. And I thank you for that.

I don’t know you personally, Pastor Joel, and likely never will. And I’ve been in the church my entire life so I also understand that there are many dimensions to people God places on platforms. But in that moment I was entirely ashamed for the way I had talked about you, even in jest, or the times I’ve rolled my eyes at your books in Walmart or in airports or when someone talks about how your influence has impacted their life.

So, Pastor Osteen…chances are you’ll never read this apology, but I pray that if you do, you’ll accept it. I ask for your forgiveness for my immaturity and pride.

Yours,
Anne Jackson

my friend lynse wrote about such an incredibly personal struggle and beautiful redemption. personally, this is something i have no experience with, but i know with the amount of readers that pop by, maybe some of you have dealt with this or know someone who has.

lynse shares her journey about cutting. cutting (and other forms of self-injury) is defined as “a deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon their own body without suicidal intent.”

lynse gave me full permission to post the entire story, and i encourage you to visit her blog to encourage her and celebrate with her. also, i actually do ask that you repost her story…so many people suffer with this addiction in silence. i know lynse personally. i was honored to be in her wedding, and just from seeing her and getting to know her, i would never have guessed this was something she struggled with. chances are someone you know might be hurting themselves, too and you would never suspect a thing.

lynse writes:

To most the thought of harming yourself would be so outlandish that you would look at me like i was crazy if i told you that it makes sense to me.

I am choosing to write about this because there is such a need around this generation to bring light and truth to the fact that a lot of this generation is stuck in the rut of Self Injury. It is a painful place to be and takes a lot to get past. It is a dark place to get stuck. And as statistics are showing there are a lot of people stuck there.

So i want to share my story……

I started “cutting” when i was 13. I dont fully remember how i was introduced to it, but within a few days had taken root in my life. The pain that was so deep inside of me was killing me. i was allowing myself to die emotionally. It was a fight that i didnt want to take place but had no idea of how to stop it. It seemed meaningless to fight to keep them alive when i viewed them as the things that were causing me so much pain.

So my only solution to make sure that i was not dying totally was to hurt myself. To feel the pain on the outside assured me that i was still alive. That there was still hope. At least that it how it all started. It started out of my desire for hope. For some feeling to let me know that i was alive. That i could still feel something. That one day maybe i would feel again.

Soon it became an addiction. I had my way of doing it. I had my “ritual.” The when and how. within 2 months it had moved past the need for hope. My body and mind were addicted to the feeling. To the release that it gave me. My rage towards myself and other people had grown so much that i didnt know how to release it. And i thought this was a good way.

As time went on whether i had a bad day or not i had to cut. I had to do it each night before i went to bed. It calmed me enough to rest and go to sleep. (and about addiction, still to this day if i experience intense pain i get tired because my mind was trained to go to sleep after pain.)

I share this because i know that there are people who are in this rut. And honestly, it breaks my heart. because being on the other side of this “journey” for hope i have found that the only hope that there is is in Christ. I know, i sound super spiritual….but it is true.

The only way that i could figure that out was to get to the darkest part of my life. I was in such darkness. I had been cutting for 4 years and no one knew. I had a secret. And it was a dark dark place to be in. full of pain and the desire to get caught in hope that someone could help me. I was tired of the darkness. And the only solution i knew was to come clean. To get someone in my head and share the journey with.

This was key for me. To let someone in and know the pains and the hurts. I knew that if i let this remain in the darkness it would grow bigger and bigger. and the thing that once started in the search for hope was driving me further and further away from it.

The person i went to had no idea what to say. She often looked at me dumbfounded. the thought of doing that to herself was so absurd that she couldnt understand. But she listened. She was determined to help me in any ways she could, even though she didnt understand.

You cant wait until you understand to help someone. And this is what i see happening. So many people know people who self injure and are trying to learn why they do it. Each person has their story. And if you ask, i am sure they will share. It is a very dangerous thing to get into. You may not realize the roots that it can create in your life. But i would encourage you to share your story with someone.

But without sounding like a public service announcement, if you self injure or know someone who does please please please let someone in. Let someone into your darkness. It will hurt at first. It will be uncomfortable. It will be embarrassing. But if you live in the darkness alone your life will never change. Let someone in and bring the light into your pain.

Find your hope.

how many blogs do you subscribe to?

blogging pillow talk

chris: hey, did you see i commented on your blog today?

anne: i did. i wish you would interact more on my blog.

chris: i don’t need to interact with you on your blog. i get to interact with you in bed.

==

view past lessons:

Lesson 256: submission

Lesson 439: honesty

Lesson 833: time management

I was recently reading through some old drafts I had written and saved. In the fall of 2005, I wrote this after listening to an Erwin McManus podcast. He said,

“We need to reclaim the movement of Jesus Christ - it’s not the place where people are forced to conform and be standardized. But a place where people are seen as unique and find their originality in Jesus Christ. …I think those of us who have been entrusted with followers of Christ must not simply cast vision and call people to it; We must create visional environments where dreams and visions of those who work with us and serve under at times, have their dreams and visions set free and ignited.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Is the modern church today producing carbon copy, standardized Christians or are we, as leaders, helping release God’s unique calling in each believer? As the Church, are we helping build and release others’ dreams or do we focus on our own?

where do you live?

all i need is your city and state.

this is for a REAL reason, i promise! you will find out VERY soon.

(and it’s not to beat los on his 750+ comment post…but let’s try since it’s an easy question anyway, right?) :)

i have decided to step out of my introverted comfort zone a bit.

last week, after a lovely telephone call with this guy, i learned that i will be given the honor of wearing a pretty little badge that gets me in everywhere (except maybe the men’s restroom, maybe?) at a nifty little conference called catalyst.

what this allows me to do, i think, (without getting ushered out by big, hairy security guys) is to talk to speakers, including a couple of my favorite people, ask questions, and then blog it as live as humanly possible.

and maybe even get some of it on camera.

roll that beautiful bean footage.

so…again, the thing that makes this adventure different than the other live blogging adventures of the past is i want to know what YOU want.

not what you want to ask people (yet)…but what would make this a good experience for you?

think outside the conference blogging box, mkay?

for the last few years, i’ve wanted to start a non-profit something-or-other that accepts donations and supports pastors who are in transition or out of work. when i was sixteen, my dad went for almost a year between pastoring and working in the marketplace. my parents cashed in his retirement and accumulated a ton of debt just to pay the bills.

i haven’t forgotten that, and now that my friends and peers are the ones in transition or have been justly (or unjustly) released from ministry, it’s something still fresh in my mind. i am dreaming of finding a way to make this happen.

what’s one of your dreams?

one of the most frequently asked questions i get about this monster of community you guys have created here at flowerdust.net is how i keep up with it all.

i don’t!

i wish i could, but i can’t.

some people have asked when i find time to write. a book…some articles…this blog…and at the deadly viper blog…not to mention the amount of stuff i write for my job at lifechurch.tv. it can and does suck the creative vibes from my head really fast!

so…i have learned to combine two things to master the madness.

1) write when the moment is right - i am writing this on tuesday, but i’m having it post on friday. some blog platforms let you schedule stuff out ahead of time. today i’ve written three (soon to be four) posts. obviously i’m not putting them all up on one day. even if your blog doesn’t let you schedule posts for the future, if you’re feeling the words, write them down now! save them in a word doc or something and then you will just need to copy/paste!

2) don’t write when the moment is wrong - i can’t tell you how many times i have stared at this screen and tried to force something, only to delete it or save it in a mass of unpublished (and quite terrible) drafts. thank goodness those things will never see the light of day.

by having some posts saved for a rainy day, i really don’t feel much pressure to have to write something each and every day. because let’s face it. sometimes the creative juices aren’t flowing, and you’d be better off keeping quiet than forcefully making something happen.

ya know?

HT: nataliedee.com (*various items from this link may not be appropriate for all audiences.)

my husband will tell you it’s true.

according to some of my recent feedburner stats, you all tend to like reading posts on boobies, sex and jesus more than anything else.

i have nothing to say to that.

yesterday i asked if we can become trapped in our freedom…trapped by our desires and ability to indulge.

around the time i hit twenty years old. i was making a ton of money working for a trendy, upscale dallas dot com. i had a great loft, a mustang (convertible), was in on the young professional social scene.

i also had around a hundred thousand dollars in stock options that would be turned into cash as soon as the dot com went public, so i began spending it like it was already mine.

but then the dot com folded.

all i had left was my car (which i missed payments on), my loft, and a good 20k in credit card debt.

i remember driving down elm street to where i lived, right off of downtown, and for the very first time in my life, thought the only way to solve this terrible mess was to kill myself.

i kid you not. i remember the intersection i was driving through when i thought that. it would be sooo very easy to jump off the top of the building where i lived and end it all. because i saw no way out.

the only thing that kept me from doing it was the fact my grandfather had just passed away, and my family was already a mess from his passing. i couldn’t bear to see my dad grieve the loss of his dad…and know he would have to deal with the loss of his daughter.

i was trapped.

but i knew i had to do something.

eventually the mustang was downgraded, i moved into a one-bedroom, 500 sq ft condo with my best friend julie, and began aggressively paying off my debt. it has been eight years since that dark time in my life. almost every month since the day i turned 21, i’ve been working out the best ways to pay stuff off in spreadsheets. (see, i told you i like spreadsheets).

it has been a slow road to freedom, but we’re getting there. as of july 1, we will have no credit card debt at all. we still have a few thousand in medical debt (thanks to bladdy) and car payments, but to not be shelling out to credit cards will be amazing.

as our bills have been reduced by not eating out often, spending as little as we can on groceries, not having cable or internet at home now, not getting tattoos, and other stuff…we have been able to give more away. to our two compassion kids, to an amazing rescue center in haiti.

looking at money in a whole new way has been an amazing path to freedom.

i have never felt more free in my life than when i give. or, than when i was in africa realizing the responsibility chris and i have to serve others with our freedom.

i have never felt more free in my life.

if you feel trapped, try giving. even if you don’t think you can…you can.

just try. and see what happens.