FlowerDust.net

i won’t lie.

sometimes i do my best to make my thoughts pretty and selective and organized when i write for my blog. because that is what smart bloggers do, right?

lately my brain has not been organized. i have been in an ultra-processing/ultra-internalizing mindset for the last few days and, just in case you have ever had the perception that i am a smart and/or organized blogger, this post is to prove you wrong. :)

with that disclosed, i now present to you, “brain barf, edition 1″ (as i am sure there will be many more of these as time passes).

on friends: i have had some of the most amazing conversations and hang time with my friends lately. they are generous and have blessed me in so many ways — some of them i’ve never even met before but in all the crazy, my friends are helping me heal, keeping me sane, and heck, even pampering me a little bit. i feel so unworthy but so lucky.

on family: right now, i’m in a weird season with some members of my family (and i know they read my blog, so…sorry). quite honestly, it sucks and it hurts but i am learning i can’t control the actions of others. nobody’s family is perfect; mine included, and this is new to me. and it’s been jacking with me. a lot.

on religion, and church, and christians: i recently had a conversation with someone who doesn’t subscribe to the christian faith. i feel like so much of the time, we are all in this little churchy bubble, and as intentional as i am to pop out of it for perspective, i realize i’m not doing a very good job at it. we aren’t doing a very good job at it.

during our conversation, my friend’s words sucked me out of the bubble with the force of a dyson and i really think my head exploded. we think we have so much figured out about life and the world around us, yet what we have actually done to shape and form the perception of those outside this jesus bubble TERRIFIES me. this conversation shook me to my core. it made me sick. it made me ashamed. it made me want to get a lobotomy and rediscover and relearn a faith i have “known” since i was in utero. i feel like i’m in the freaking matrix.

on panhandling: i live in an okay part of town, but nestled right in the middle of the hood. the last two days i have given in to panhandlers galore. seriously. i think they must have my picture somewhere because they find me everywhere and i can never say no. and i realize that it’s not always the “best” thing to do for people (ie the very drunk woman who told me she was sober tonight as i got the mail and handed her five bucks) and i can guess that my five bucks probably bought her a drink (when i really, really need one, can’t you tell?) but you know what? i can’t say no. sorry.

on keats: if you have never read the letters of john keats, you simply must.

on weather: my heart is so happy that it is autumn.

and there you have it. a fine mixture of various chunks of my brain. nothing sexy about it. just junk in my head. thank you so much for reading along.

so…

if you ARE going to catalyst, a few things!

1. be on the look out for the cows. show them some love if you see them…

2. want a free, amazingly awesome t-shirt that’s will help promote mad church disease? promise to wear it one day at catalyst and it’s yours! email me your t-shirt size and cell phone number.

3. let’s meet! i’ll be at the deadly viper shin dig, thursday night, 8-9:30 pm. details and RSVP here.

4. don’t forget - catalystbackstage.com will be launching soon!

i seriously cannot wait for next week. i am not a conference person at all, but this isn’t just your everyday kind of conference. i haven’t been able to sleep i’m so dadgum excited.

who all from this little community IS going anyway?

i was reading something today about the “a list” christians…you know, the really really famous ones.

i sent it to my husband who said, “there’s an ‘a list?’”

why, of course, silly husband.

don’t you know that jesus loves some christians more than others?

check out what my friend aaron and his friend jonathan are doing at openapologies.org.

their post today is quite intriguing:

It is been said that you can judge the spiritual state of the church in every generation by the way they respond to Judas.

jump into the conversation…over there…by clicking here.

what are some new blogs you’ve been enjoying lately?

the catalyst conference is only a little over a week away and there are many opportunities for you to engage like never before — even if you’re not able to attend!

CATALYST BACKSTAGE

this year, catalyst is launching something new: CATALYST BACKSTAGE, which will be hosted by none other than yours truly!

the website’s not up yet (here’s a sneak peek)…but OH MY GOODNESS is this going to be cool - whether you are attending catalyst or even if you aren’t!

CATALYST BACKSTAGE will feature off-the-cuff, LIVE, exclusive backstage videos with catalyst speakers (and surprise special guests), a completely live, interactive chat open 24/7 so you can chat with other catalyst attendees and discuss what you’re learning during the sessions as they are happening — all in ONE PAGE! we’ll also be pulling in catalyst twitters (#catalyst08 is the hash tag), and other catalyst webby goodness we find throughout the event.

when i’m not backstage, i’ll be running around with my trusty FLIP video camera invading your personal space, hanging out with you, crashing parties, and showing the world what god is doing through you…these videos will be published on the CATALYST BACKSTAGE site as often as i possibly can so you’ll get to meet other leaders and see what’s going on in their worlds.

yes…i will be drinking a lot of red bull and no…i probably won’t be sleeping very much but having the opportunity to connect leaders with other leaders both inside and outside of the catalyst arena gets me SO pumped up!!!

HOW WE NEED YOUR HELP
in order to connect as many leaders as possible - we are going to need your help!

next week, i will have a post with sidebar widgets and buttons that will link to the CATALYST BACKSTAGE site and it will take a viral, web 2.0 miracle to spread this as wide and far as possible.

WHY?

we realize not everyone can attend catalyst so we want to be able to connect everyone as much as possible via this site through the leaders who are there chatting, through the videos and all the interaction! and we want those who are attending catalyst to be able to connect with each other as well.

so, feel free to start blogging about this now…and next week we’ll have some widgets for you…but this is so stinking exciting…i couldn’t hold it in anymore!

tomorrow…stay tuned for another amazing catalyst announcement!

can we count on your help for spreading the word?!

yesterday we talked about balls and it offended some people.  so i thought i’d come up with a female euphemism to complete the equation today. :)

my friend brandi (who is also the boss man’s wife) and i went to lunch, and more importantly - dessert - yesterday.  we visited gigi’s cupcakes over by vanderbilt and, as boomama would say,

OH MY LANDS!!!

heaven.

cupcakes are my kryptonite. i can never say no. and now that i have been to gigi’s, i fear i will be visiting over and over and over again…and that will just be tomorrow.

what’s your favorite sweet treat?

craig groeschel is probably one of my favorite people in the world. over the last year or so, i’ve had the honor of getting to know him as a fellow zondervan author, and while i was on staff at lifechurch.tv where he is the senior pastor.

people always wonder if the pastors they see with influence are the same on stage as they are in real life…and i can say with confidence that craig’s heart, passion, and love for people is consistent.  craig was also was kind enough to write the foreword to mad church disease, to which i am uberly grateful.

=====

craig’s new book is called “it,” and he’s been making the rounds on several blogs (listed at the bottom of this post) answering our questions about “it.”

here’s mine:

Anne: What are some ways churches with IT can truly make a global impact on poverty?

Craig: Thanks for the thoughtful question.

Churches and ministries with IT can and should be making a global impact on poverty over time. Here’s why:

Churches with IT—that special something that only God can do—reach people. When people are excited about kingdom vision, they generally become generous with their time and resources.
Ministries that have IT tend to give IT away. And when they give, God often seems to give them more.

We’ve found that one of the best ways to disciple people is to help them serve in missions. Once they taste the presence of Christ among the poor, they are forever changed.

It seems that we are almost handicapped in experiencing all of God in a prosperous country. We never have to pray, “Give us today our daily bread…” because we already have a cabinet full of bread. As our people are exposed to the way God works in the lives of people in the rest of the world, our hearts and faith tend to grow. Serving people generously with the love of Christ is like Christian cocaine—once you try it, you’re hooked.

=====

see what other bloggers have asked craig about “it” here:

Swerve (Craig Groeschel & Bobby Gruenewald)
Scott Hodge
The Catalyst Blog and On the Journey (Brad Lomenick)
Velocity (Dave Ferguson)
Zondervan blog
Monday Morning Insight (Todd Rhoades)
Innovative Ministry Leader (Sean Lewis)
Tony Morgan Live
Leading Smart (Tim Stevens)

=====

you can buy IT here!

a few months ago, i caved in and made a blogroll and had about 300 of you respond.

if you’re on that list, your blog has been added to my little rotating blogroll over there in the right sidebar (which does count toward technorati, if that’s something that you dig!)

i’ve noticed quite a few names around here lately, so i wanted to open it up again…

link to me, i’ll link to you. it’s that easy!

just let me know in the comments that you’ve linked to flowerdust.net and then let me know what your blog is and i will get it added!

link love is good love.

to love someone means to believe the best of them.

a friend and i were talking the other night about trust, which really boils down to love.

do you love yourself more?

or do you love someone else more?

love has the ability to transcend.

or it has the ability to kill, when it lacks.

to love means to risk.

love takes balls.

my deadly viper friends get this.

mike said,

“What if right now, everything we knew, felt, believed about love was suddenly turned “upside down.” Challenged. Tested. No limits. What if we came to realize that everything we thought and believed about love, grace, forgiveness, each other and ourselves was wrong. We discover that radical grace is real and we can experience it in our own lives and freely give it to others.”

click here to learn about the people of the second chance and to download some ballsy wallpaper.

because love takes balls.

are you willing to risk it?

so you know when you used to get an “A” on your spelling test, your parents would put it up on your family’s fridge, right?

this is kind of the grown-up-i-love-marketing equivalent of that. mom, my name’s in business week! and i’m printing it off and putting it up on my fridge. along with seth’s head.

several months ago, business week interviewed me for an article on seth godin, and how his principles and brilliance have been absorbed in many channels — from corporations, to artists, and even to little girl bible bloggers (yours truly).

anyway, the article arrived today and you can read it here!

what’s one thing that seth has said that has stuck with you?

I need a couple people who live in Atlanta area that have three days to spare from October 8-10 and want to go to Catalyst for FREE.

We have a top secret marketing plan that we need help with for promoting Mad Church Disease. You’ll get a free copy of the book, and a very moooving experience. And again, you’ll get into Catalyst for free.

Interested?

Email Zondervan Marketing Genius Chris for details @ chris.fann@zondervan.com. I promise you will never experience anything like this any other time in your whole entire life ever forever.

This message will self destruct…

we have had some discussion on what happens when people confess and when people don’t confess.

today, i’d like to throw a theory your way….

one reason why people don’t confess:

…because deep down, they don’t want to change.

carry on.

the knock on the classroom door took nobody by surprise. in between defining the X and the Y axis, ms. gibson strolled over to let the visitor in. it was shirley, the school’s office assistant. at least, it looked like shirley. curly ribbons covered her arms like thin, plastic bracelets and balloons floated up and down, hiding her face. but it was shirley alright. her blue-gray hair peeked out just enough to identify her.

after she handed ms. gibson the balloons, she closed the large metal door as quietly as one could. even with her extra effort, the slam echoed down the empty hall, vibrating off lockers and the shiny tile floor.

ms. gibson looked down at the card sticking out of the vase where the balloons and a few flowers had been planted.

“it’s for you, jannelle. for your birthday. from your dad.”

blushing, yet secretly proud, jannelle walked to the front of the class to retrieve her gift. she didn’t like knowing every kid in her fourth grade class was watching her, but she couldn’t help but feel the swelling in her heart, knowing her dad remembered her birthday. he may not have been around much, but this yearly tradition always was a perfect reminder that she was loved.

while the rest of the class continued on to geometry, jannelle stared at the vase. it was short…more like a pot, really, than a vase. there were glittery moons and stars painted on the dark, midnight blue ceramic. it was just like the sky she would look out at every night from her front yard.

eventually, the balloons deflated and the flowers died a few days later, but jannelle held on to that pot like it was her most valued possession. she placed it prominently on her dresser back in her bedroom, using it as a container for jewelry or candles or other knick knacks that she picked up along the way.

and then jannelle grew up like most fourth graders do. she found her own two feet and started out on her own. the starry clay pot went along the journey with her.

from her first apartment to her first condo, through various rooomates and even different cities, the starry clay pot was like a quiet whisper of affirmation from her past. she got married, and as she unpacked her belongings in her new home, she carefully unwrapped the pot and placed it on the ledge above her kitchen sink.

she took a step back and stared at it. twenty years later, it was still in perfect shape. yet her heart grieved, knowing her relationship with her father and her family hadn’t traveled as well as this clay pot had. in fact, they hadn’t spoken to each other in quite some time.

one quiet, sunday afternoon, jannelle walked through the front door. casually, her husband said,

“you know that blue pot with the stars on it? i hope that wasn’t very important or anything.”

she could barely catch her breath.

“why?”

“it got bumped off the ledge. it shattered.”

the grief she felt earlier traveled from her heart into her stomach and then back in her throat again. there was a sad irony about the pot breaking. maybe it was time. time to embrace the fact that life and love looked different now than they did in the fourth grade. that family doesn’t always mean flesh and blood, but those who surround you and care about you and support you during all the seasons of your life.

no doubt there was something sentimental about a starry clay pot. and even though what’s left is now thrown out with empty cereal boxes and soda cans, jannelle can take a deep breath and let go. because she knows that outside, a real midnight blue sky with swirls of stars and a sparkly moon are waiting for her. and under that moon and those stars are people that love her.

thanks for all your prayers and love last week as i had the opportunity to speak at ministrycom08. it would be darned near impossible to list and link every single amazing person i met, but wow…it was so encouraging to hang with all of you.

here are a few bloggers that took notes on my session. i really appreciate everyone’s insight into the discussion segment…it was invaluable!

-Fishhook

-THE WIRED CHURCH

-PursuingOK

-Church Hype

-TechnoPraxis

again, thanks for your prayers…and if you’d like to meet up sometime, you can check out my travel schedule here!

so yesterday after the services at cross point were over, i visited emmaus church in nashville. when the catalyst road trip guys were here a few weeks ago, they introduced me to michael, emmaus’ pastor.

backing up a little, i’m a teenie bit OCD. the symmetrical, every-detail-matters kind of OCD. on sunday mornings, it is a passion of mine to make sure all the song lyrics have no typos, that everything is perfectly aligned, and that there is nothing funky on stage that might interfere with video. (and this really isn’t part of my job description…it’s just who i am!) :)

okay, now, back to emmaus. it’s a small community of twenty-ish people. it’s diverse. it meets in a rented garage in a very potentially dangerous part of nashville. they have made it look amazing and warm and welcoming. like really, when you walk it, your mind explodes a little bit because of the vibe of the space and the welcoming spirit.

as i sat down during the worship set, i noticed a half-empty bag of cheetos leaning against an amp. and then i noticed that my heart didn’t do that little “fix it” pitter-patter. instead, it embraced it.

we do our best to make our environments nice and clean and by all means, we should keep doing it. emmaus was certainly clean and welcoming.

however, i know that in the past (AKA all the time) i know i can try and make an environment perfect. but you know what? i wonder why.

was i distracted by this bag of cheetos? did the holy spirit stop moving in my heart when i saw the bag? not at all. if anything, it made me realize how completely unimportant it is to try and attain perfection within our worship environments.

life is not perfect. people are not perfect. and god forbid, the church is not perfect.

maybe people will feel more comfortable taking off their masks if we don’t portray that we have everything together ourselves. as shane hipps has said, the medium is the message.

the medium of a cheetos bag next to an amp during worship said “real people here” to me.

what does your medium say about you?

it is a well known fact that if i pass someone homeless or hungry on the street and have any kind of edible food in my car, it will be given away. i can’t help it. i know it’s supposedly bad and dangerous or whatever but it’s my food, so, deal with it. :)

anyway, i pull into oklahoma city and realize the hotel i am at is close to my favorite fast food italian eatery, fazoli’s. i get my ravioli kid’s meal and go on my merry way.

pulling back onto the highway, from a distance, i see a homeless man.

i look down at my lunch. i haven’t eaten since peanuts on the plane at 7:30 am. i smell the garlic breadsticks in my car. i wrestle. i plead.

i bargain.

only if his sign says something about food…that’s the only way he’s getting it.

he makes his way down the road, passing about 10 cars and stops by my car. i wonder if he smelled the garlic breadsticks, too.

his sign says, “will work for food. hungry.”

i ignore my promise.

he stays standing there.

and i give in. i roll down my window and hand him the bag.

“hey, do you want some lunch? i just picked it up from across the street.”

he grins widely and takes it. he says, “ooh, it’s warm still.”

“enjoy,” i said and drove off.

now, stay with me. connectedness is one of my strengths finder strengths. this one gives someone the superpower of connecting random bits of information and stringing them together in a way that most people couldn’t.

in this situation, my connectedness kicked in.

“well, there goes my lunch, but, at least he needs it.”

(insert good feeling)

“i wonder if it was contaminated some how and maybe i would have gotten sick from eating it and wouldn’t have been able to be at ministrycom08 to speak.”

(insert feeling of divine protection)

“but if it is contaminated, that means that homeless guy is going to have the runs. i just gave a homeless guy the runs.”

(insert feeling of guilt)

i call my husband to tell him what had just unfolded in literally less than 30 seconds from start to finish. i tell him how it’s my “connectedness” manifesting.

he says,

“anne. that’s not called connectedness. that’s called crazy.”

lesson: speak the truth in love. and give your food away.

==

read other lessons:

Lesson 317: pillow talk

Lesson 256: submission

Lesson 439: honesty

Lesson 833: time management

this should be posting at 7:10 am CST on wednesday, which is the time my flight from nashville to oklahoma city will be departing. this is the first of many, many trips over the next six months.

i’ll be speaking (well, it’s more like leading a discussion) at ministrycom08 on thursday and friday on burnout…and i would love your prayers. i have said it a million times and i’ll say it again…the whole speaking thing makes me really nervous!

please pray that god will use this time to really bring an awareness of need to the people who listen…that we need to continually stay connected to him, that it’s okay to say no, and that if someone is burned out, that they’ll receive some wisdom about what to do.

it’s not a super fun creative topic, but it’s necessary and i am praying that god will use the information we present in a meaningful and unique way.

updates to follow…i’ll be updating my twitter frequently, i’m sure. so follow me if you’d like!

remember this post?

i really didn’t think i texted that much.

until i logged into our account to see how much i texted.

because i never really looked before.

WOW.

oops.

yep. oops.

i stole this off brant hansen’s blog. brilliant, methinks.

———–

LeaderMan: Wants a platform on which to say something

Servant Leader: Has something to say

———–

LeaderMan: You almost feel you know his family, because he’s your Leader

Servant Leader: You allow him to influence you, because you know his family

———–

LeaderMan: Wants you to know he’s a Leader

Servant Leader: You’re not sure he knows he’s a leader

———–

LeaderMan: Loves the idea of the Gospel, and the idea of The Church

Servant Leader: Loves God and the actual individual people God brings across his path

———–

LeaderMan: A great speaker, but self-described as, “Not really a people person.”

Servant Leader: Makes himself a people person

———–

LeaderMan: Helps you find where God is leading you in his organization

Servant Leader: Helps you find where God is leading you

———–

LeaderMan: Gets together with you to talk about his vision

Servant Leader: Just gets together with you

———–

LeaderMan: Resents “sheep stealing”

Servant Leader: Doesn’t get the “stealing” part, since he doesn’t own anyone to begin with

———–

LeaderMan: Wants the right people on the bus

Servant Leader: Wants to find the right bus for you, and sit next to you on it

———–

LeaderMan: Shows you a flow chart

Servant Leader: Shows you his whole heart

———–

LeaderMan: A visionary who knows what the future looks like

Servant Leader: Knows what your kitchen looks like

———–

LeaderMan: If it’s worth doing, it worth doing with excellence

Servant Leader: Not exactly sure how to even calculate “worth doing”

———–

LeaderMan: Talks about confronting one another in love

Servant Leader: Actually confronts you in love

———–

LeaderMan: Impressed by success and successful people

Servant Leader: Impressed by faithfulness

———–

LeaderMan: Invests time in you, if you are “key people”

Servant Leader: Wastes time with you

———–

LeaderMan: Reveals sins of his past

Servant Leader: Reveals sins of his present

———-

LeaderMan: Gives you things to do

Servant Leader: Gives you freedom

———–

LeaderMan: Leads because of official position

Servant Leader: Leads in spite of position

———–

LeaderMan: Deep down, threatened by other Leaders

Servant Leader: Has nothing to lose

===

yesterday, pete spoke about forgiveness.

i never thought there was much difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. in my heart, it all kind of meant the same thing - letting go of pain that someone had inflicted on me. usually this involved some type of “making up” process involving apologies, sometimes tears, and a hug to make everything alright.

twelve years ago, somebody hurt me in a very painful, inexcusable way. for years, i didn’t allow myself to work through the pain as i needed to. then about a year ago, circumstances which were mostly out of my control took the wheel, and caused me to stare at this wound square in the face.

i’ve never doubted that i had forgiven this person. i feel fortunate that, for the most part, forgiveness comes easy to me. there are probably only two situations in my life that i know i still need to work on forgiving someone, but interestingly enough, this particular hurt isn’t one of them.

however, as i was processing through healing during this time, i began questioning if i really had forgiven him. sure, the scabs had been peeled off and the wounds were fresh - and it hurt…badly, all over again. something just wasn’t sitting right.

someone that was helping me through this sent me an email and said that what i was experiencing wasn’t me being bitter or holding on (which was what i was afraid of) but that i was desiring reconciliation. i wanted for this person to own up to his mistake and for everything, painful as it were, to be okay again…i wanted for the relationship to be harmonized.

later, i read this in a book:

Joseph was reconciled with his brothers when they came to Egypt in search of grain. By the time his brothers reached Egypt, he was able to stand before them and confront them because he had no inner feelings that would keep him from having a relationship of unity and peace with them. Forgiveness is unilateral. You can forgive even if [someone] never admits [their wrong doing], is never sorry, and never changes. But reconciliation requires both people’s commitment to recovery, honesty, repentance, forgiveness, and communication. Even then, reconciliation is a long and difficult process of breaking down barriers and building trust.

you may not ever be reconciled with a person that hurt you (or that you hurt). that part takes both people to work through. forgiveness is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for reconciliation.

however, forgiveness is a decision that you make, and continue to make, regardless of the other person’s choice. and through christ and grace and love, you can.

i don’t know what it is about me but i am a very last minute person. when it comes to helping other people, i love to be as prepared as possible, but when it comes to something i am doing (like writing or speaking) i wait until the last possible minute. it’s the only way my brain seems to work.

tonight, i put together notes for the breakout session mike foster and i are leading at ministrycom08 which is a conference in oklahoma city next week (let me know if you’re coming and if you’ll be dropping in one of the two sessions on burnout). it’s been peculating in my head for the last eight months since i agreed to speak at it, but i didn’t flesh it out until now. one hour and five pages later, it’s done and i really feel good about it.

i think if i started working on it sooner, i’d probably stress myself out to the point of no return…over analyzing and overthinking it. tweaking and retweaking. but there seems to be a more organic feel to it this way…

how do you prepare for something big?

there is a real estate agent who owns annejackson.com and won’t sell it, even though i offered her everything i own. which isn’t much. which is probably why she won’t sell it.

so…

i need to get a main “author” site up and running soon and already have a fab designer working on it. i just have no idea what to do about the domain.

should i stick with a version of my name? (i already own annejackson.org) or should i use something writer-ish and clever?

shaun is going through this identity crisis too. i am glad i am not alone.

so…you creative and wonderful people…please help…

why do christians say “we love people where they are?”

think about it….

where are they…compared to where we think we are? and why do we make it sound like such a feat of accomplishment?

i’ve had too much caffeine today. please excuse me.