there are a kazillion people who’ve influenced me in 2007. i thought i’d point out just a couple.

7. since i start working at lifechurch.tv next week, i could suck up and say bobby and craig have influenced me. and they have. more than i could possibly write on here. but to be honest, everyone i’ve met from life has rocked my world in some way! i can’t wait to finally “meet” some of you face to face!

6. mark cuban. i’ve admired mark since i worked at groceryworks.com a long long long time ago. he also owns my life-long favorite team, the dallas mavericks. i even liked them when they sucked. sucked really badly. if you like learning from really smart people, you should read his blog.

5. terry & robin storch. i know they’re actually included in #7, but if weren’t for them to begin with, #7 would have never happened. i used to make know-it-all remarks on terry’s blog several years ago. he was gracious enough to keep in touch despite my immaturity back then! and i still remember sitting in taco diner in dallas’ west villiage with robin, thinking she was CRAZY for having a “hunch” we’d end up in OKC.

4. mike foster. i became familiar with mike and his crazy ridiculous quest for honesty and authenticity when he co-founded xxxchurch.com many moons ago. both of our lives have gone through some big changes and i’m happy we’ve connected this year. his thoughts inspire me to be a better person.

3. seth godin. who doesn’t love him, really? i had a unique opportunity earlier in the year to glean some wisdom from him and his advice has stuck with me. he has probably been the single most influential person in my professional development over the last five years.

2. you. i talk about you guys to my husband and it’s like you’re a part of our family. even our parents know several of you by name.

1. my husband. seriously. he’s hot. he’s patient. and he cooks. i could not have survived some of the hard trials this year has brought me if it weren’t for him. i love you. and he’s going to start blogging this year…keep an eye out for that!

who’s influenced you lately?

i was twenty four years old. a girl. and was getting offered the title of “director” in the southern baptist church i worked at. i would be one of the few women with that title, and by far the youngest. my salary would also increase, as would my oversight of several key teams: communications & media.

internally, i was facing a dilemma. my current position was a support staff role in student ministry. i loved working with my team - we had the most unique chemistry i’ve ever experienced. my direct supervisor was the student pastor, and it was like i could read his mind. i was truly his right hand person. the ministry had developed such momentum and i had formed some very special relationships with some of the high school girls over the couple of years i had been involved.

but…director?
but…more money?
but…more influence?

i’d have my own office. my own budgets. my own credit card.

being a list-maker, i wrote down the pros and cons of each position. reading over them now, i can see how my true intent of wanting to be the youngest female staff person in leadership tainted my decision making.

i took the director position.

and it was the worst decision i have ever made in my entire life.

three years later, i can see how much i stepped off the path of how god made me so i could pursue a sweet sounding title on a business card and a status which i thought proved my worth.

sure, i can be a leader. i can take charge. i can delegate and direct. but he has specifically designed me to be in a supporting role, and it’s in that supporting role where god uses my gifts, talents, and passions the best.

for his name.
not mine.

jud writes,

“You may have no say over the organizational chart in the business you work for, but you do have the ability to serve others each day. Every person wants to be known and loved. What would happen if you stopped to talk to three people each day and asked them about their lives? Do you know the dreams of your co-workers and friends? Do you know their frustrations? Do you know their strengths? Have you thought about how you could help them win?

These kinds of questions cripple the High and Mighty Assassin. They lead to the release of sharing power and influence instead of the hording of it. They move people from following us positionally to following us relationally. This is servant leadership at its best.”

regardless of my title, i have to ask myself “what’s my position?” am i serving god and others in the best possible way now? or do i feel like a leadership role before i can lead?

=====

(if you’ve enjoyed this series, you must get the book “deadly viper character assassins.” seriously. now.)

in three years, i went from debt free to $40,000 in the hole. i was only twenty years old. i didn’t know about credit reports or collection agencies but i found out about them really quickly after i stopped paying my credit cards on time. none of that debt was school loans either - just a really pretty mustang convertible and a few credit cards on which i paid the electric bill at nordstrom.

granted, this time period is what i call my “dark years.” my head wasn’t on straight, i was making far more money than any twenty year old should make, and i had a lot of people to impress.

or so i thought.

the bling bling assassin doesn’t bother hiding in our culture. in fact, he walks down our perfectly manicured streets like he owns them, stopping by to chat with us like a friendly neighbor would. he makes shiny things shinier. he turns needs into wants.

don’t get me wrong. it’s not wrong to have nice things. but when you fear not having them or fear losing them, it shows your faith is in what’s parked in your garage or your checking account and not in the One who gave them to you.

chris and i are facing a potentially scary future. except for a couple years left on our cars, we will be entirely debt free in just a couple of months. i know if we don’t make a plan now, all of this disposable income would be completely wasted on stupid stuff that doesn’t matter. so we are in the midst of discussing how much we can give away.

we are already sponsoring one child through compassion. we hope to sponsor many more. a percentage of mad church disease profit will go to compassion, and another percentage will be invested right back into kingdom work through our church. we are trying to think of other creative ways we can give away what we don’t need.

on a side note, i think the bling bling assassin also hangs out in our church staff meetings. in the last five years, i’ve probably talked with hundreds and hundreds of pastors. so much of what is communicated in the western church culture is the keeping up with the jones’ mindset, except the jones family is that shiny new church you took your team to and drooled over their awesome lights, their “off the hook” youth center, and their amazing stainless steel accents.

i cannot tell you how many times i have heard, “if we only had what so-and-so had, we could really reach more people.”

ummmmm.

no.

no, no, no.

to close - from the book,

“So ask yourself. How satisfied are you with your income, house size, or possessions? How many times during the day do you think about what you want versus what you could give? How much personal value or self worth do you find in what you own? What percentage of your income are you giving away to help others?”

(that isn’t rhetorical. do some thinking. write down how many times a day you are lusting after that _______ you don’t have that you really really want. take a look at your bank account online. where’s that money going? for us…we eat out way too much. it’s quite sickening, really).

BONUS LINK: What Would Jesus Buy? (From Supersize Me Producer Morgan Spurlock)

let’s set the mood.

dim the lights. light those overly-scented vanilla candles. cue some marvin gaye.

boom chicka wah wah.

it’s time for a little friday love.

now, i don’t know about you, but if there is one area in my life i could rewind it would be my love life. i was about to say sex life, but that wouldn’t necessarily be true.

the assassin of boom chicka wah wah isn’t really about sex, per se.

to quote the greats,

“One of the things we’ve discovered as we reflect on conversations with thousands of people about sex is that sexual missteps are rarely about sex. They’re really about our desire for a deep, meaningful, and powerful connection with someone…Dodging the Boom Chicka Wah Wah assassin isn’t really about dodging sex, then. It’s about nurturing the right relationships.”

about a year and a half ago, i shared my story of pornography addiction. part of that journey was me realizing that one of the driving factors of my addiction was my lack of real, human connection. it was the same disconnect that i medicated by becoming physically involved with more people than i care to admit in my late teens and early twenties.

there was a big, fat emptiness inside my heart that i thought only true love could fill.

not so, grasshopper.

even after being happily married to the greatest guy on earth there are times when my heart still feels that emptiness. and i know if i am not careful, i could screw it all up.

i could cheat on my husband.

why? because i’m human. and so are you.

“Sexuality is powerful and mysterious. It is not quite tame in any of us. We must honestly respect its influence in our lives.”

maybe you’re dealing with the regrets of your past. maybe there’s something in your life now that you know isn’t what god’s intended for you sexually. or maybe you’re in a good spot right now.

do you have a plan?

a plan to deal with the past…like…accepting grace.
a plan to deal with the now…like…accepting grace.
a plan to protect the future…like…accepting grace.

it doesn’t matter where you’re at. you need his grace. and he is ready to pour it over you. he is ready to pour his grace all over your past memories, your current shame, and your future plans.

why?

because he loves you.

he really, really loves you.

so…do you have a plan?

when i learned that the deadly viper book (which if you haven’t yet, buy it here, now!) had a chapter in it on burnout, i was thrilled! if you’re new here, i’m working on a book which talks about healing from and preventing burnout in the western church culture. burnout is a rarely discussed topic and one that seems to be so prevalent in our society today. not just in the church, but everywhere.

being a type-a personality, a first born, a perfectionist, and well, just me - i have a tendency to fall into the danger zone when it comes to burnout. a little over two years ago, it landed me in the hospital for a week and consequently out of work for an additional three weeks to sort through my brain’s meltdown. it was not a pretty sight.

since then, chris and i have established some boundaries when it comes to work, freelance, writing books, and speaking. something the book says which i wholeheartedly agree with is

YOU HAVE TO LEAD YOURSELF.

for me, leading myself means saying no. and sometimes saying no disappoints people.

They write,

that is where it gets me. i hate disappointing people. i want to be all things to everyone - the best wife, the sharpest employee, the most considerate friend, the most giving family member, and the most effective communicator.

and then i realize; all those things are about me. ME ME ME. nothing about bringing glory to god. nothing about even desiring to grow in my relationship with christ. obviously, i do…but it gets so easily shoved to the bottom of the list when i feel i have to do all these things.

through both “some time on the couch” and through a “coach” type of person, i have realized my need to DO-DO-DO all the time is because i feel like i must.

confession: i am very insecure. and in order to find my security, i think i have to fill my life up with all these really great things. funny thing is i’ve been filling and filling and filling for the last ten years and i’m still just as empty as i was when i graduated.

but with some intentionality…

slowly, i’ve been able to simplify.

slowly, i’m juggling fewer balls, and i’m juggling the ones i have better.

slowly, i’ve been sleeping better, relaxing more, and prioritizing my relationship with christ.

what about you? are you hanging on by a very thin thread - ready to snap at any moment? do you have some margin built into your life? what areas do you need to reevaluate in order to be healthy?

i have to be honest. when i got to the assassin of amped emotions chapter, i thought, “ah…finally, something that doesn’t apply to me.”

except for some very fleeting moments, i am a very calm person. i don’t throw tantrums. i hate yelling. i rarely get angry. i’m not much of a grudge holder and i am typically not a vengeful person.

and then i got through a couple more pages and read this:

DEAR FREAKING IDIOT!!!
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!???!! DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN!!?? I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!! PUSH ME AGAIN, YOU SCUM SUCKING PENCIL-NECKED GEEK, AND I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!!!

i don’t know how mike and jud hacked into my email account and found that email, but oh boy, am i embarrassed!!

there have been times where i have sent that email. there have been times when i have posted that comment on a blog when i disagreed with someone. i have used the ALL CAPS and the !!??!! many times before.

and as the book says, it’s usually over really tiny things that don’t matter.

there was a time, just a few months ago, when i read an email that i wasn’t supposed to. i wasn’t snooping around or anything; it just got sent to me on accident. and there was a very snippy remark in it, which i assumed was about me.

i was FIRED UP. livid. super, duper annoyed and just flat-out ticked at the people who were involved in the conversation.

i wrote one of those kinds of emails and right before hitting that send button my boss came in my office.

he instantly knew something was off (as i mentioned earlier - i really don’t get visibly upset) and we talked (meaning: i vented) about the situation. i (proudly) read him my response to their supposed immaturity and he said,

“you probably shouldn’t send that.”

he was right.

that’s when it really hit me: i can let my emotions get the best of me.

i closed out the email and spent a lot of time thinking about the entire situation. even if my response seemed justifiable (there’s that word again)…i was lacking SERIOUS humility.

a week later, i got the word “grace” tattooed inside my right wrist. a little drastic, perhaps, but it is now a constant reminder of the grace i have received and the grace i need to give.

it’s also really hard to flip someone off in dallas traffic when you see the word “grace” as your hand’s flying up to shoot them the bird.

anger, jealousy, bitterness - they can all get the best of us. this assassin moves quickly and wrecks our common sense.

deep breath. deep, deep breath.

there you go.

breathe.