It’s cold, windy and all around not fun in the Kansas City metro today. Flurries blowing around in the gusty, frigid wind.

But not even Jack Frost himself could keep me away from my hair cut.

And I must say, it was completely worth it.

I love you, Jerry Jackson. Thanks again for another fabulous hair cut.

(Go visit his website linked above - He’s not only an incredible hair dresser, but amazing photographer and overall creative genius!)

[[edit://Per Kristi Fair's request - a photo of the new do. Pardon the camera phone quality, lack of makeup and overall gooberness of this shot - It's Friday. The cut's kind of a shaggy euro bob with pixie bangs. A mosaic of style and creativity I owe all to Jerry.]]

My car is buried in several inches of the latest snow storm to hit Shawnee. It’s also trapped, knowing that any attempt to make it up the snowy hill we live on would be futile.

Just like before…Spinning its wheels…going nowhere.

Today…I feel so trapped.

Trapped…via our apartment lease (no escape until Dec. 31, 2006), the necessity to work a full time job and freelance (me) and a full time job & part time job (Chris) just to make barely enough to scratch by…the never ending pile of medical bills from the last year…and while the air our bodies are breathing is here in the snowy, Pottery Barn landscape of Johnson county, our souls have traveled and remained in the diversity and acceptance of LA, in the peaceful and romantic mountains of Colorado…and our hearts have tossed seeds of hope into the sky, praying the wind will take them across the ocean…so maybe one day they will be springing up life…fruit…in the desperate city of Edinburgh.

God, I feel so much like my car.

Going nowhere.

People have often mentioned to me that I am gifted in the area of discernment. I can often see or feel things that are intangible – sense moods, emotion and can easily distinguish between true and false in situations…in conversations, environments, and attitudes. When someone is feeling “off” or upset, it usually comes across clearly to me, and sometimes without even knowing I can guess why out of seemingly nowhere. It’s a little creepy sometimes, but in a good way.

Also being very “feely” (I’m an INFP) I tend to base a lot of decisions off of how I feel about something rather than logic or common sense. Sometimes it works out great. And other times…well, not so much. Something I constantly ask myself is, “Is this just a feeling or is it the truth?”

Today has been an ultra-sensitive day for some reason. I feel as if I’m swimming in a sea of the unseen – everybody’s thoughts and feelings. There is one area in my life right now where I am feeling extremely insecure based on the way certain people act towards me or respond towards me. I’m feeling inadequate in my talents and gifting. Some things that are happening around me are making my discernment “red” flag go up.

But is it just a feeling? Or is it the truth? Am I being discerning…or am I being deceived? How far can I trust my inclinations?

So…I pray for wisdom. I guess that’s all I can do.

Yesterday through this morning, the metro got anywhere between 9-12 inches of snow (we got 12 inches here in Shawnee). Since it’s not icy, I wasn’t expecting our offices to close today, but they did! However, my dear, sweet husband heard the news at 5:30am that his offices are open, and he works 15-20 miles away. I think he is done digging out his car (the drift pretty much covered it from top to bottom on one side) and I hope he’s going to be okay.

Since Chris works farther out, yesterday he took the Rodeo with 4WD, and I took his 1991 BMW which is rear-wheel drive. You take a RWD car and give it to a girl from Texas who lives on a hill and you’ve got trouble. It took me 25 minutes to go up 2 blocks on the hill we live on before I just threw it into reverse to get to where I could drive (slide) it into the driveway. Our apartment complex has gates with spikes (which fortunately were opened) so I was worried I’d impale the car, but I cleared the entry way just fine.

So I’m pretty much snowed in. I doubt I’ll change out of my PJs and fluffy slippers. Time to get some coffee and watch all the suckers on the news who have to travel to work (Sorry, dear…).

(Photo: digging out a car in Midtown KC - Click for more KC Snow Pics; also my cat trying to get some caffiene…has nothing to do with the snow day, but thought it was too cute not to post.)

So I got away last night. I drove up to the plaza and walked around despite the rain and the cold. That’s what hoodies are for, anyway. I stopped in Barnes and Noble where I found an interesting sign for one of their featured book tables. It read, “Understanding Our World.”

I laugh at the sign. If only it were that easy. Pick up a few books at B&N and be elightened into the innerworkings of the world.

I meandered over to the world history shelves. The History of South Africa….of Spain…of Rome. Hitler’s book, “Mein Kampf” I love WWII history for some reason. Anne Frank was my hero growing up.

After a while, I went back to walking. Across the street from me was this lady playing an oboe. It’s been a while since I’ve seen an oboe. She pulled some really great warmth from it. I darted across the street. I knew I didn’t have any money (I didn’t even leave the house with my purse.) But I had to talk to her.

I pulled up in front of her chair and just started out telling her how beautiful her music was. I wasn’t lying. Or exaggerating. It really, truly was. How I was walking across the street by Sharper Image and heard her. How it warmed me up on a chilly night. I apologized that I didn’t have any money, but asked her if she played out on the street frequently.

With her wind-battered, chapped lips…cracking her skin as she smiled, she said that she played out there almost every night. Especially this week, because it’s race week at the speedway. She told me how she was having “one of those weeks” where it seemed like nothing was going right for her. I told her I knew a little bit how she felt. She said she’d be out there this weekend again. I hope I can find her. It won’t be hard if she’s playing the way she was playing late last night.

So this week is the big employee evaluation week here at Westside. I know every working soul in this country and thousands others must bear through this process every year at about the same time. Answering questions about your strengths, weaknesses, how you can improve…your supervisor’s strengths, weaknesses, and how the company can help you work the best you can.

This year, I decided not to hold anything back on it. I expressed my dreams, passions and hopes (I printed out 4 pages to attach to it since I couldn’t get it to fit on the five or six lines they offer). I gave it to one of our pastors who I don’t report to but trust his wisdom significantly for him to look over before I turn it in to my supervisor, asking him if it was “too much” and if I need to tame it down a little bit.

Of course, I don’t want to tame it down at all!!! But at the same time, I think of Nehemiah in the Bible, when he wants to rebuild the wall…he was crazy passionate about it, but had wisdom in the timing of how he talked to the King about it. He prayed a lot and planned a lot so the “down time” wasn’t wasted.

I don’t want to tame my passion or quench it in anyway – and honestly, I don’t think I can. But I want to be wise in how it’s expressed to those who aren’t passionate about the same things.

Just some thoughts.