“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.” ~Henry David Thoreau

referring back to my previous post…i am guilty of this. this totally kicked me in the pants when i read it yesterday.

you?

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day

(Robbie Seay Band)

miles from home, i write from my lower greenville third place. i’ve watched people come and go. i’ve watched the sun set. my focus is lacking tonight as my list of things-to-write increases ever so slightly.

my heart; fickle as of late. questioning things. what? here? now? when? how? what? where?

i love the fact i cannot be spontaneous. it runs completely against my nature.

otherwise?

i’d be on a coast somewhere looking up at the stars. and nobody would know.

settle down, wandering mind…quiet yourself, duskdreamer.

i never really finished the dream thing. there was this great thought behind it but being an overanalyzer, i pretty much sunk it. however, this post is about dreams too…so, i figured what the heck. my personality is one that won’t let a “1 of 2″ go incomplete, so here is 2 of 2. :)

yesterday, i was wiped. putting someone with ADD (no, really, i have it) in a big dark room to watch people talk for 8 hours day (the leadership summit) can be challenging. thursday ended great with marcus buckingham - he’s truly captivating to watch as a public speaker so i was feeling pretty alive after his session. however, yesterday morning, my friend lauren and i decided to hit starbucks early before the summit started. we are not morning people. but i wouldn’t have traded the time i spent with her for sleep…she is incredible!

anyway, we ended up coming in about 45 minutes late, and although i enjoyed all of the sessions, especially john ortberg’s, my brain was toast. i went home, had dinner with my husband and then crashed on the couch for a couple of hours.

and i had an interesting dream. i dreamt i was out with a friend and he felt like he needed to get some kind of vision or something from god. we were on a beach, and he decided the best way to do this was to swim out from the shore, into the deeper area, and wait for a big wave to smack him and carry him off somewhere. (yes, i realize this is weird)…so he does just that.

i wait and wait and wait getting a little worried after the wave did take him off, but soon enough, he swam back to the shore and flopped onto the beach, completely exhausted. i asked him what he learned. by the time he could catch his breath, he told me,

“i realized you don’t have to do something huge in order to find out what god’s trying to tell you. in fact, it was really stupid. i could have died…and now i’m just completely exhausted.”

then i looked up and saw two butterflies…one was real, and one was a kite. i don’t think they had anything to do with the story…

but my imaginary dream-friend has some good points…

1) god doesn’t have to hit you upside the head in a big way to communicate with you

3) after being swept out, he had to swim farther and against the tide in order to get back where he should have been in the first place.

i don’t know about you, but this dream is really applicable to me now. pretty cool.

tonight, i scribbled with red ink, on grey paper, in a sacred black journal, certain misconceptions i have allowed myself to believe. certain questions i have. a list of things confessing, repenting, and seeking wisdom.

one question in particular ended up being surrounded by many question marks…many question marks completed by big, dark, heavy dots on the bottom, as i filled in each circle thoughtfully until my pen nearly made a hole in the page.

what is the sacrifice YOU require of me, opposed to what man requires????

i can’t wait for the answer.

my google homepage has widgets.

one of these widgets produces random quotes.

one of these random quotes said this:

There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be. ~Pearl S. Buck - US author, Pulitzer and Nobel Prize Laureate

so tell us, has your heart ever been broken by a dream dismissed?