FlowerDust.net | Anne Jackson

BOOBIES, SEX AND JESUS

according to some of my recent feedburner stats, you all tend to like reading posts on boobies, sex and jesus more than anything else.

i have nothing to say to that.

SEX TOYS AND VIDEOTAPE

(note to my mom and grandpa. please don’t read this post. thank you). :)

remember it is the week of hot sex over at one of the blogs i contribute to, deadly viper. we’re having an honest and biblical discussion about seldomly addressed questions about sex.

yesterday, my friend mike blogged about gay fantasies and homoeroticism. today, it’s my turn with sex toys and videotape…

here is what i wrote…i am closing comments here so please leave your comments there today!
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We got a lot of questions about sex toys. Someone even asked if making a video tape of two married lovers was Biblically alright.

Before we got married, Chris and I went through several weeks of premarital counseling — one or two weeks included what was okay in the marriage bed.

The key word in these questions isn’t vibrator or video, but BIBLICAL. And since these things weren’t really hanging around thousands of years ago, the Bible doesn’t literally state, “thou shall not have edible underpants.”

So, what does the Bible say about the yays and nays of sex?

1. Fornication/Adultery - Sex outside marriage either physical or mental/emotional (1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Matthew 5:28)

2. Homosexual acts - (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:9)

3. Orgies - (obviously violates #1 and sometimes #2)

4. Prostitution - (Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17, Proverbs 7:4-27)

5. Lustful passions - (having someone or something you can’t have - Mark 7:21-22, Ephesians 4:19)

6. Sodomy - Contextually in the Bible, this is a homosexual act between men. It is not referred to as anal sex between a man and a woman.

7. Incest - (Leviticus 18:7-18; 20:11-21).

So, what does this mean??

We are free in Christ, and we are free in our marriages - as long as we don’t do something that the Bible forbids. Paul says that nothing is unclean in itself in Romans…and that everything (within God’s law) is permissible. This doesn’t exclude what happens in the bedroom.

So…if a guy and his gal are BOTH cool with using some toys to enhance their love life, it doesn’t violate any Biblical principles, then…rock and roll with it, sweetheart.

For a porn-free, Christian based “Marital Resource” store (wink, wink)…go here - http://www.book22.com.

*Special thanks to Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus who covered this topic in their book, Intimate Issues.

What do y’all think?

COMMENT HERE

my thoughts on boobies, part 3…affecting other women

one would think i think entirely about boobies too much.

over the last week, i have had some great conversations about my thoughts on boobies, part 1 and pete’s rendition of it on his blog as part 2.

so far, the conversation has slanted towards things like lust and fantasizing and a guy’s reaction.

today, we’re talking about how the boobies might affect the ladies.

women, generally speaking, are notorious comparison makers. i know i am, and if i’m not careful, it can take over my thought life. women check out other women — not so much because we get turned on — but because we, either consciously or subconsciously compare.

for example, let’s say i see a woman at the mall.

in about .005 seconds, my mind has already compared:

-height
-weight
-hair
-how well dressed they are
-skin & complexion
-chest, stomach, junk in the trunk

and if i “win” i feel good about myself. if she “wins,” i feel like the most hideous person on the planet.

(please realize, this illustration is by far the comparison thought process at its worse, not the norm.)

the situation presents to me two choices. i can either bounce my eyes (which is what i try and do most of the time, instead of checking someone out and playing the comparison game) or i can do just that. stare and compare.

and let’s face it. when people wear less clothes, people tend to be noticed more.

now, i realize this does not place every ounce of responsibility on that person (especially if he or she doesn’t know any better).

i love what eugene cho wrote when he discussed part 1 and part 2 on his blog.

MY SIMPLE TAKE: We’re all responsible for our own selves but we can’t dismiss that [Christian] men and women are called to mutuality, partnership, community, and fellowship. Simply, we don’t live on an island to ourselves.

could the way women dress cause other women to stumble? it can put our heads in the wrong place too, if we let it.

Continuing with the Boobies

sorry i haven’t been around much this week. it has been crazy at work as we are getting near to the one prayer launch.

my friend pete continued the “boobie” discussion over at his blog today…from a man’s point of view.

you should check it out!

The Week of Hot Sex

what the?

yep.

as some of you know, i am buddies with the guys over at deadly viper, and they let me do some cool stuff over there…(like blog…) because as we know, the seven deadly assassins don’t just target guys.

so next week, we are having a very frank discussion about sex on the deadly viper blog.

and we want your questions.

nothing is off limits. at all. don’t believe me? read the post mike has up today.

feel free to post your questions here or if you’d rather keep it private, feel free to email me at anne {at} flowerdust {dot} net.

NOW…

i realize some people think we talk about stuff like this to the extreme level we do for sensationalism or to create a buzz or just to get comments.

please hear my heart when i say

THAT IS NOT IT AT ALL.

we realize that just because we are christians…it doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with things, or wonder things, and wonder what the bible says (or doesn’t say) about sex.

this will be uncomfortable. even when mike, jud and i were emailing today about next week, i was literally squirming in my seat too. i was uncomfortable. and chances are, if you were to ask me these questions face to face, i’d blush and stutter and sweat.

but hey, blogging just might allow us to be a little more vulnerable. to have time to process things and respond. and to ask and answer questions appropriately…just a little bit more easily, perhaps.

(also, feel free to comment anonymously).

i look forward to the conversation.

sex rules!!

ok, married people, sex does rule (cue 80s lingo flashback…now).

but that’s not what we’re going to talk about.

i’d like for us to discuss THE sex RULE.

“the rule” (for lack of a better term) that most churches have which states a married woman and a married man cannot be alone (car rides, office time, counseling, meals, travel, etc.) with a member of the opposite sex that is not his or her spouse.

all of the churches i have been employed by have “the rule.”

yet, i was talking with a friend who is also on staff at a church who does not have the rule. he thinks it’s a little legalistic.

another friend said,

“you know that whole theory where people live up to the expectations set before them? to me, this rule says, ‘we don’t trust you to make wise decisions on your own, so we’re enforcing a rule that might help keep you out of trouble.’ of course people are still having affairs and getting involved inappropriately. they’ve already been told they can’t be trusted!!”

one church i was on staff at a while back had the rule, and yet within a couple of years, four staff members, including three in public leadership, had affairs. and this happens all the time. to churches with “the rule” in place.

so…what do you think? is “the rule” necessary? should husbands and wives involved in church leadership set “their rule” instead of the church? does it really prevent anything? or is it a darn good idea that protects leaders? what do your “rules” look like if you have any??

girls and porn

because of the africa trip and all the link love we’ve been passing around, i’ve noticed there are a lot of new readers over here on flowerdust. so i’d like to say welcome! you probably think the only thing i ever write about is africa (and trust me, there are many many more posts to be written about the trip), but i wanted to share an article i wrote for relevant magazine a little over a year ago. it has absolutely nothing to do with africa, but has everything to do with the girl behind these words.

porn addiction is an ugly thing, and stats show over 1/3 of porn viewers are female - and that is just the number of women who are courageous enough to admit to it. stigmatized as a man’s problem, after this article was published, i’ve received literally hundreds of emails from women who are desperate to confess and be restored.

it’s been a few years since this monster has reared its head in my life, but that doesn’t mean i don’t think about the grace and the healing every day of my life. saying goodbye to this addiction IS possible. if you read this and it strikes a chord, please feel free to contact me. i’d love to help in any way i can.

DIRTY GIRLS, THE NEW PORN ADDICTS

The last place you’d expect to see a porno would be the living room of a pastor.

But in between my family’s Christmas portrait and a broken, dot matrix printer sat a computer screen. Little did I know the place where I typed up book reports or instant messaged my friends would also become the doorway to an endless amount of forbidden fruit—and an endless amount of guilt.

Growing up the daughter of a Baptist preacher-man, I was the 16-year-old poster child for naiveté. My family had just moved from a small, secluded west Texas town to Dallas, and within a matter of days in my new residence, I was bombarded by the prevalent sexual culture of a big city.

Strip clubs and billboards lined the highways. There was a giant sex store just a few miles from our house. Ignited teenage hormones and the temptation to give in to my curiosity proved to be a dangerous combination.

My parents and brother were fast asleep as I connected to the internet one night. I searched for the word “sex” and within seconds had access to a sea of well endowed platinum blondes doing things with guys (and girls) that I’d never seen before.

Because I lived at home and the only computer was in the living room, there weren’t many opportunities to do my “sexual education research,” but whenever I was alone, I’d quickly satisfy my interest.

I graduated from high school my junior year and moved out when I was only 17 years old. I had my own space with my own computer, and all the free time in the world. I’d go to work (at a local Christian bookstore), come home, and look at porn almost every night.

I frequented erotic chat rooms, watched movies and browsed through hundreds and hundreds of pictures. Soon my porn binges started affecting my performance at work and my relationships.

Of course I never mentioned my struggle to anyone. Looking at porn was typical, even expected, for guys but a girl? A girl who likes porn? I often questioned my sexual orientation.

Why did I like looking at naked women? Was I gay? Bisexual? A pervert? I hated what I was doing so much. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop.

The cycle continued for years. Binging, feeling guilty and swearing I’d never do it again, only to give in a few days later. I prayed for God to take the desires away. That’s when I realized it was more than just looking at pictures.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I had more than enough pictures saved in my memory to reflect back on, even if I was able to stay off the computer for a while.

So, why do women struggle with this? Although stereotypically we’re not as visually stimulated as our male counterparts, we’re not blind either. There is something about a woman’s body that is beautiful and mysterious and even forbidden, and that toys with our psyche and tempts us.

At least for me, viewing these outwardly flawless women fed a huge emotional need. I was able to put myself in the role of what I was seeing, and by doing that, it made me feel beautiful and accepted.

I was transformed into a perfect, sexy body, and I was desired and wanted. I was able to escape my own flawed physical appearance and be transformed, in my mind, to this perfect woman.

My online activities also played out in my daily life. I was engaged for about a year and cheated on my fiancée. After that, I “dated” several new guys a month, getting physically involved with them in some regard.

According to everything I had seen, to be accepted and loved meant a sexual relationship, and what girl doesn’t need to be accepted and loved? I gave so many pieces of my body and my heart away during those years.

When I was 21, I was in a serious car accident that caused me to reevaluate how I was living my life. At the time, I was pretending like there was no God, except for when I needed His forgiveness, and only then would I come running back to Him. After the wreck, something finally clicked, and I realized that love does not equal sex.

It was at that moment when I decided to turn around—to change my thinking—and then my actions would eventually (and hopefully) follow. I had to say goodbye to my online habits, and to my offline ones as well.

It’s been close to 10 years since my first encounter with online porn, and I’d like to admit I’ve had a perfect run at purity. I wish I could say I’ve always lingered on the right thoughts or shut down the computer when the temptation got to be too much, but the truth is, I haven’t.

I’m still a girl who struggles. I’m still a girl who lives one day at a time, depending on a God whose design for sex and love is so far beyond what I could even imagine. So each and every day, I pray for God to first direct my thinking and then redirect it as necessary.

And I’m grateful that He is faithful to meet me somewhere between the mouse and the computer screen.