FlowerDust.net | Anne Jackson

redefining excellence

nine out of ten anne jackson friends would agree: i am both competitive and a perfectionist. those characteristics can be strengths when used correctly. used irresponsibly, however, and they can beat me up faster than chuck norris on red bull.

it’s always been easy for me to confuse perfectionism and excellence. one lie many of us believe is for something to be excellent, it has to be perfect. no mistakes. after all - perfection isn’t subjective. when something is completely flawless, everyone agrees.

excellence is subjective. but generally speaking, i think we’ve been taking the idea of excellence and bending it far out of shape.

let me give an example. i was recently asked by someone to speak for a general session at a conference. i talked to a couple of friends about it, who all encouraged me to do it. i prayed about it.

i emailed the conference organizer to talk to him a little more about the opportunity. i wanted all of our expectations to be clear. he shared with me his thoughts, and then shared some of what his audience expects.

in short, based on feedback he had received through the years, his crowd expects perfection. if someone is “almost excellent,” they let him know very clearly that the person should not have been a general session speaker. i appreciated his honesty in communicating what his audience expects.

i actually kind of felt ashamed for being that audience at one time. being the one writing those notes.

although i doubt any of us are perfect at anything we do, i know for a fact i am not your typical conference speaker. i’m pretty much just me, but up on stage. a little quiet. really laid back. deliberate. not charismatic. simple. my nerves show through just a bit. (if you’ve heard me speak before, please feel free to confirm or deny my observation).

when i speak, am i pursuing excellence? yes. i try and pursue it in all i do. i pray, i prepare, i study, i practice & rehearse. however, if i were to speak at this conference, based on history, would this audience think i’m excellent? probably not.

in our church world, it’s easy for us to see something that isn’t perfect, and deem it as not being excellent.

one of the best definitions i’ve heard of excellence is doing the best you can with what you have. it is totally between you and what god does through you.

i am beginning to think that excellence has nothing to do with what other people think. or does it?

your thoughts?

edit: i put this in the comments but wanted to make sure it was clarified for those who might not read them…I have nothing but THE utmost respect for this person and the conference. I have enjoyed being an attendee before. I am totally honored they even thought of me! I was thankful we were able to clarify where he is coming from, where I was coming from and decided it wasn’t the best fit. And that is a-okay by me!

I am speaking from more of an audience standpoint. Because I have sat there and thought, “this guy does not need to be talking!” Does he? Who am I to judge??

let the healing begin

if you’ve been around a while, forgive my redundancy. i’ve been on a sleep/anxiety combo medicine since january and a “stress” medicine (did you know they made those?) as well. you can read about some my attempts at medication through some stressful transitions here.

a lot of people - christians in particular - have questions on whether or not medication for depression and/or anxiety is biblical. shouldn’t you just snap out of it? my personal experience with taking my doctor’s advice, and working with a therapist as well as discussing all of this with my husband led me to decide that going on medication temporarily as i worked hard core through some issues in counseling would probably be best. and i think it was. if i felt healthy enough, i would be off the medication in a year.

so because of the kind of medicine i am on, i have to gradually wean off. over the next eight weeks (beginning last night) i will be cutting back by eighths on one medicine, and thirds on the other.

how do i feel about it? i am so looking forward to what’s on the other side. my emotions have never felt more stable, my sleep is back to normal, and i’m not stressing out a ton. it may not seem like the best month to start this withdrawal, with all of the stress of current events, but i really think i am in a good place. with the support of my friends, family, husband, therapist, YOU GUYS and undoubtedly resting - really resting - in God’s promises of truth, justice, confession, and provision; i am not too worried about it.

my final week of medication is november 26. i’ll occasionally post updates of how i’m doing if i think about it, but i am really looking forward to taking this next step!

on a side note, this weekend in alabama went great. it was all a little bit of a blur to me but after speaking with several people after the message or getting emails from them over the last few days, i know God did a great work through everyone - the volunteers, the band, the teams that set up, dave, and even myself. i love seeing god move!

that’s about all from flowerdust land. i hope you all are having a great week!

alabamalama

i just got settled in my cozy hampton inn room here in decatur, alabama. the flight was smooth, not too many travel hassels, and i’ve met mr. and mrs. moviepastor.

despite my only being here for, at this point, a little over an hour, so far i have encountered some very southernesque things:

1) on the way to baggage claim, i was asked out on a date for tonight by a stereotypical nascar fan who was here to see some races at the talladega speedway.

it was not ricky bobby. i politely declined.

plus i think i freaked him out when he asked me why i was in town.

“to speak at a church about porn.”

that’s gotta be a conversation killer…

2) passed a truck on the highway for a company named “bubba dump.”

3) i saw a real scarecrow in a real corn field. the real corn field was across the highway from a real cotton field. you don’t see much of that in dallas.

4) the hotel receptionist uses “don’t” instead of “doesn’t.” because of the drawl, i think that makes it grammatically okay.

i’d appreciate your prayers as i continue to prepare for tomorrow! and to those of you coming to visit, thank you so much. you guys are awesome!

i am getting old

i am almost 28. long gone are the days where staying up until 3 am, waking up at 7 am, and working productively were no big thing. last night i stayed up until almost 1. i could barely drag myself out of bed by 7:30…

but today will be good. i love fridays because i get a day’s head start for next week. so when i come in on monday, i’m not suddenly overwhelmed with the week ahead. tonight is date night. and tomorrow, i head out to decatur, alabama. i have to tie up a few loose ends on my message but i am really excited about getting to teach this sunday. it will also be my first time speaking in a movie theatre church so i think that whole experience will be awesome.

i covet your prayers. the messy-ness of this week’s news hasn’t really affected my focus for the weekend much. if anything, you have inspired me to keep on going, keep on trusting. this is totally in god’s hands and being distracted isn’t going to do me - or anyone - a lick of good.

anyway, on the getting old thing, that makes me curious - how old are you?
don’t be shy…

trade your porn for needy kids - a Q&A

october 7 is national porn sunday. many churches (but not nearly enough!) are celebrating this weekend a little differently - by addressing the topic of pornography. i am preparing to speak at crosspoint community church in decatur, alabama on porn sunday. i was working on part of the message this morning…i have a great story about boobs i get to share. oh yes, indeedy.

anyway, i receive emails from time to time with people who are going through struggles with porn or sex. if you have a question about pornography addiction, questions about my own struggle [read it here] or anything along those lines, please email them to me by using the contact anne link under my goofy mugshot.

Q: Did you ever “relapse?”

A: Honestly, no - not in any consistent sense. There were durations where I was incredibly tempted for long periods of time but because of safe-holds we had in place (like no internet access at home, etc.) it was harder for me to fall. My journey hasn’t been perfect. I’ve goofed up a couple times in the last six or seven years. But just a couple. And with each “oops” came a very fast confession to my husband. It may seem impossible but I promise - you can be porn free for YEARS at a time. You just have to take it one day at a time.

Q: I am really struggling…even little parts in movies or TV will get my mind going….is that normal?

A: Absolutely. I have to really watch what I view. We have a no-nudity in movies rule that is VERY RARELY broken. That may not be the right answer for everyone but it is for us right now. There is so much crap on TV. You know what gets your mind going…We all do.

Q: Do i just need to fall off of the face of the earth? And the cell phones now a days does not help any either….you would be amazed at what you can find on YouTube….There is no way for me to take that off.

A: You’re right about finding stuff on YouTube…but you don’t have to visit YouTube now, do you? Especially when you’re really trying to cut it all out - sometimes you have to be drastic. I threw away my computer. THREW IT AWAY! When I felt I could have a computer again, we didn’t have internet. Not for the first couple years of our marriage.

I know many people need cell phones. Call your provider and turn off your internet plan! And heck, it will save you money. The $40 you are spending on internet at home or for your data plans can sponsor you a child through Compassion and give them the extra $8 for AIDS work. Trading porn for needy kids might be some good motivation…

friends are friends forever

you have to love michael w. smith songs. oh, the fond memories of childhood camps. funny thing is, i dont even remember 99% of the people i met at camps…those people i was soooo heartbroken over on the last day as we held hands and sang that song.

i digress.

things are a little busy for me right now, so my blogging might be sporadic in the upcoming weeks. i apologize. speaking at community of hope sunday went great! i love love love speaking. hopefully they did too. and appreciate the prayers you sent my way. once i get my hands on an mp3 and decide it doesn’t suck too badly, i’ll try and post it! if you want to see me in action, complete with britney spears headset (i had to resist singing “hit me baby one more time”) you can see a snapshot here. it was the first time i had ever used a headset and i thank the sound guy for helping me get it on without messing up my hair.

since i am obviously not blogging interesting things right now, you should go check out this post on the lifechurch.tv swerve blog…

bobby asks, “is community broken?”

i wrote about some of my thoughts on this churchy buzz word here and here (for those of you who are new)…but i would love to hear your thoughts on his question…i’m keeping up with the comments, so please dive into the discussion over there!

is community broken? what do you think?

toga, toga!

i have been having some weird dreams lately, including one friday night where everyone was wearing white sheets. hrrrmmm….

so, today is sunday. today is the first day in six months that i’ve spoken in front of an audience (not on the radio). i slept GREAT last night which is a miracle; and i’m not TOO nervous (a little!) - so for those of you who have been praying, thank you!

my clothes are already ironed and laid out and i’m about to get ready, go get a big thermos of african autumn rooibos at texas roast and hopefully not run into any traffic problems on the way across the metroplex.

thank you all again for your prayers! i’ll write about how it went sometime tomorrow or tuesday.

have a happy labor day!