Honestly, I’ve been getting kinda worn out on blogging. Maybe it’s just a phase in my life, because I’ve been busy juggling work, 3 freelance projects and preparing for Scotland, all whilst trying to be a wife.

In today’s culture, there are so many trends that come and go…I wonder if blogging is just one of them.

What do you think?

Blogging:
–Here to stay or…
–Will eventually fall off the radar?

Have a nice weekend.

“Never look for justice, but never cease to give it.” - Oswald Chambers

Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.
~ Cecil Beaton

My internet connection has been awful the last few days. I’m lucky if it stays connected for more than five minutes at a time. Yet, I can’t complain because I haven’t paid for internet in 3 years. Too many open Wi-Fi connections and there hasn’t been a need. But after this week, I decided we will be splurging and getting our own internet when we move.

Not only has my internet flatlined, I think I have gone through so many emotions in the last week (mainly really excited) but also some sadness thinking of relationships I will be leaving here…all the ups and downs have released into a wierd state of numb and exhaustion today. Chris is out with some guys he works with so I COULD be packing but instead have been watching true crime documentaries on TV.

Some good things happened today, we FINALLY settled our insurance claim from Chris’ wreck in July so I was able to pay off 4 high-interest credit cards and a separate loan. THAT felt amazing to have those off my spreadsheets. Also, Jerry Jackson gave me one last haircut before I leave and have to search out a new haircutting artist in Dallas. I must say he topped himself again. And at the most, I lost 4 inches of hair! Chop chop. I LOVE IT!

So…I am off to find some chocolate. Maybe Starbucks is calling my name…

Below is a completely hypothetical and fictional situation about a church volunteer named Joe. I ask for your comments regarding the principle expressed and not whether you agree with the leader in the story or Joe. It’s not about who is right or has the better idea (because that’s all opinion) but what you think is Biblical and wise for Joe to do in the situation.

Joe is a graphics volunteer at a medium sized local church in the Pacific Northwest. He’s designing a brochure for his church. The brochure is supposed to communicate what the church is about (the atmosphere, enviroment, etc.) to those who don’t go to church but aren’t necessarily opposed to the idea. For the sake of using church words…we’ll call this audience “seeker” in nature.

The staff person he volunteers for at his church gives him direction on how the brochure should look as far as appearance and content. The direction his leader provides doesn’t sit well with Joe. Both the leader and Joe think the piece needs to reflect a variety of people interacting, but the leader thinks the brochure should show more what the service looks like (people worshipping, singing or listening to the speaker, maybe using stock photos of people praying) but Joe thinks that the piece should connect with the audience in a not so “churchy” manner. Not because Joe wants to hide anything, but he feels as if the piece intially connects with the audience, they are more apt to visit and experience what the service is like so they can make up their own mind. He also thinks that using photos of people praying kind of adulterates what prayer truly is.

Joe is confused. He wonders if he is overreacting. He knows he should respect the authority placed over him, but at the same time, he feels very strongly that this brochure shouldn’t be “set up.” Even after thinking about it for a while, his spirit is still red-flagging him about doing the piece. He’s afraid if he talks to his leader about it, the leader will think he doesn’t support the vision of the church or that specific area and he’ll be asked to find another place to serve in the church. But he also feels that he could not, with a clear conscious, design this piece.

What should Joe do? Why?

Chris and I had a date night tonight, stuffing our faces with Boston Market & dessert at Beanology. Lots of great conversation about life, love, the future. My heart - his heart. I love being married.

We stopped by Best Buy on the way home. I felt a little too full to roll myself out of the car, so I stayed in, skimming through Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. If you know me, you know I don’t like reading books (articles, blogs, anything short - thus the skimming.) However, I landed on a few pages that I felt I could have written.

I beg you to hang in there and read this post. I know it’s long. But as many of you have wondered what happened to Anne - her job, her life…these questions are all answered here. And more importantly, you need to read it. Not because Rob Bell wrote it, not because I’m copying it, but because it is so true. Please. Stay. Read.

Here are some excerpts:

“I had this false sense of guilt and subsequent shame because I believed deep down I wasn’t working hard enough. And I believed the not-working-hard-enough lie because I didn’t function like superpastor, who isn’t real anyway.

So I had one choice - I had to kill superpastor.

I had to take him out back and end his pathetic existence.

I went to the leaders of our church and shared with them my journey as it was unfolding. I told them if they needed to release me and find a superpastor, I understood. If we don’t know who we are or where we are trying to go, we put the people around us in an uncomfortable position. They are doing the best they can with what they have - but sometimes we haven’t given them very much have we?…”

I meet so many people who have superwhatever rattling around in their head. They have this person they are convinced they are supposed to be, and their superwhatever is killing them. They have this image they picked up over the years of how they are supposed to look and act and work and play and talk and it’s like a voice that never stops shouting in their ear.

And the only way not to be killed by it is to shoot first.

Yes, that is what I meant to write.

You have to kill your superwhatever.

And you have to do it right now.”

“…[sometimes] the talk seems so shallow. Like nobody is talking about what really matters. I think this is a direct effect of the state of the souls of many pastors and church leaders. So many leaders in Christian communities are going so fast and producing so much and accomplishing so much that they become a shell of a person. There is no space to deal honestly with what is going on deeply inside them…”

Before I go any further, know I am not talking about the environment in which I previously worked. I write these things as a reflection of my own experience - my own heart. I got wrapped up into producing for a short while…and after a few months, my super-artist-communications-director-look-at-me-I’m-a-superstar KILLED ME.

It killed me…almost.

Look back on My Xanga. Read back in August - hospital stay. November - headaches and tests. Each time, nothing was really wrong. Just my brain trying to kill my body and my body fighting my soul.

I couldn’t do it any more. And it showed. I talked about it with my leaders. And they talked about it with me. They needed a fast-paced producer. They needed a super person. I can’t force myself to fit that role. I could not be the superperson they needed. So I resigned.

AND THAT IS OKAY.

Fast Forward

While at Best Buy, Chris bought the Our Lady Peace Live DVD. He put it in as I started working on some freelance stuff I’m working on. One of my favorite songs happened to come on as I was working. It confirmed to me I need to write this…my journey of killing the superwhatever.

Do you worry that you’re not liked
How long till you break
You’re happy cause you smile
But how much can you fake
An ordinary boy, an ordinary name
But ordinary’s just not good enough today
Alone…
I’m thinking why?
Yeah, superman’s dead
Yeah, is it in my head?
Yeah, we’ll just laugh instead

-Superman’s Dead (Our Lady Peace)

Coincidence?

I think not.

For you to think on:

Close your eyes.
Think.
What is my superwhatever?
What is it that I need to kill?
(Before it kills me?)

Do it.

You have to kill your superwhatever.

And you have to do it right now.